


It's Harder Than it Sounds, I Promise

by KnightlyErrand



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Comedy, Drama, Eren's got problems, I just read these tags 4 months later, I really care about that person, M/M, Older seme, People are idiots, Slow Build, So yeah, also, and suddenly, and they, are fucking hilarous, even if I'm their assassin, ish thing, it's just like, kinda random romance, mild violence, or something like that, really slow build, shit gets real, that's okay though, that's what happens in real life, unusual romance, you don't think you love them, younger uke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:14:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightlyErrand/pseuds/KnightlyErrand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is an assassin. He could be considered good at his job. He and his two friends, Armin and Mikasa, after the death of Eren's mother, sent to her death after the fall of Maria, start an assassin organization in Trost. It currently is only the three of them, but they are efficient, each of them having their own strengths. But when Eren gets a call to assassinate one of the heads of the Survey Corps, he finds he has bitten off more than he could possibly chew. The man he meets has strange reasons, and though Eren had been sent to kill him, he finds himself abiding to the man's rules, just a little bit. Maybe it's because it was the first time anyone had given him a chance to show his true self, while others only saw what they put there, whether it be a bum, murderer, or a hero in his friends' cases. He struggles to deal with his emotions while the man undergoes his own wounds again, ones he thought he lost years ago.</p><p>Assassin- Riren AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well, Everyone Messes up Sometimes, Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hah, well, would you look at that? I thought this would be longer, because it took up 20 pages in my notebook and took forever to write but... It's not... I hope you enjoy it anyways.
> 
> The title is actually how I feel about life and writing. It's truth, spread the word.
> 
> Edit-- I changed the story a lot, thinking about Eren and how he wasn't quite... how I wanted him to be. So it's shorter but hopefully better. Tell me if you liked the other better; I still have the other's text so... I just wanted it to be more accurate to how I thought the scenes might turn out. Also, now with 200% more badass.
> 
> The summary is pretty much not the actual story, so, I'm sorry

Eren had taken a lot of jobs before, but none quite so elaborate as this one. He was still going though, and quite confident of his abilities. Sure, he had to sneak into the heart of the Survey Crops and manage to take down one of the best soldiers alive, but that was only for titans anyway. He was human; he'd be fine. That was how he tried to assure himself. He failed, and instead began to think of all the things that could go wrong.

His employer remained anonymous. Most people who hired assassins were bound not to want their identity known. He sat on a scratchy branch near the windows of the main building in Trost. The light was on, and Eren wondered what kind of person his victim was. Though he had watched him every night this week, the man always seemed to go to sleep early.

Today it was nearing four in the morning and the man was still awake. These hours didn't tend to be usual work hours, and the man hadn't stayed up as late before. The man was a higher-up however, and he probably had a lot of work that needed doing. He had to admit, and disturbed to learn, the track record of the man was unbelievably high. He was afraid almost to step into the same room as the person who had killed near a hundred of the titans, who had laid waste to so many human lives. The man could probably wipe Eren off his shoe as a fleck of dust.

But Eren refused to believe it was all a trick; he needed the thousand gold the job promised. He had to provide for Armin and Mikasa; he couldn't fail them now, even if it was a trap. He, as he had told Mikasa, would never give up. He would fight until the last breath. He wouldn't get killed here, not while he still thirsted for the blood of the king. He would survive; he had to.

The masculine voice of his victim startled him, near knocking him off the branch. It was only a muffled curse, probably over some spilled ink or stubbed toe, but Eren hesitated to relax. He had been on the streets for five years after all.

After his mother's death, he, Armin and Mikasa decided to take a path than the normal soldiers. The massacre of the Maria refugees, his mother included, had solidified that wish to kill the monsters in the human society. He vowed he could get revenge for his mother and Armin's parents who were also killed. He would destroy the bastards who caused so much pain to him and his friends. Those people were the king and his military pain in the asses.

Or, that was the plan. He ended up having to take ass-sucking off-assassin jobs. Armin was the mastermind behind different plots, and him and Mikasa the grunt work. It wasn't all bad, and it satisfied Eren's blood rage for now. He hoped to work up to Sina and kill the officials there, but they were stuck in Rose and near Trost.

There wasn't much mobility in such a structured society. One had to get a call from the court in Sina or the king in order to even dream of getting past that third wall. Too many of the poor would try to escape the titans and ruin the rich's appetites. They might've had to go without sugar for a week, the poor bastards. Pigs, the whole lot of them, or maggots fat off the blood of others. While his mother died supposedly fighting and reclaiming Maria, they sat and chuckled around their chess sets.

Eren didn't like taking Survey Corps jobs; he still had a soft spot for them after all these years, even though he wasn't a blind-eyed naive child anyone who'd watch their troops come and go in his home town of Shingashina. He needed the money desperately, for food was becoming impossibly hard to find as the years passed and they grew into underfed teenagers. No one felt any pity towards the supposed bums, the young adults who had no where else to go. They wouldn't spare any scraps to people who should be throwing their lives away in the military. Anyone who didn't was trash themselves. Eren had nearly been stabbed ten times this year, and it was nearly October. Many decided a life like Eren's wasn't fitting to have in a society. Eren broke their all of their fingers slowly before slitting their throats. He had a right to live as much as the next person, no matter what anyone else decided.

 

But the mission was also a matter of pride. The note sent to the trio's headquarters, in the trash-dump slums of Trost, had rubbed him the wrong way. Most were pleas, smelt of the fat and powder that came off the sender in waves, but this was a challenge. Whoever sent it knew their stuff, and knew it well. They gave, in so few words, the impression the three young assassins were ignorant and knew nothing.

He took it personally; it was almost as if the sender had known of Eren's pride and had sent the note to incite it. He accepted the challenge, of course. And here he was, sitting on some rickety branch, acting like some crazed stalker his mother used to warn him about, but never Mikasa for some reason. She gave the reason Eren being too naive. She also told her to protect him from someone like that. No wonder they had never gotten along very well. He hated feeling weak.

To amuse himself, and to get off the topic of weakness, he thought of all the different ways he could kill the man; he didn't know his name and didn't ask Armin, who had read the note, for it. It was too much of an honor in Eren's opinion; once you had no name, you were nothing. And Eren liked his victims as nothing but the dirt on his shoes.

He wouldn't take too long, and most of the fun ones were long. So he had to be practical. It didn't mean he couldn't fantasize though. The way the guy would arch his back in agony as blood poured from the cut artery in his throat, covering himself erotically with his own heart's blood, slicking Eren's hands and the man's own twitching body as he rides out his death. His eyes would glaze over, almost as if in lust and Eren would stroke his cheek almost lovingly and coo obscene words of desire as the light faded.

Eren shook himself and adjusted his grip on the slick branch. It had, unfortunately, rained all of last week. Eren nearly died climbing up. He focused his attention on the window. Armin said it would make too much noise if he crashed in, so he was supposed to wait until the man fell asleep and crack it with the crowbar he had stole from the blacksmith a while back. He would be lacking the surprise breaking the window would provide, since opening the locked window, old as the locks and the wooden sill were, would take a long fucking time. It was better however, then having all of the Corps crashing on his head.

The problem was staying on the window long enough without making noise enough to wake the victim. The window too was slick and Eren was worried he would fall, loudly. He wouldn't likely die; the combined efforts of the group, Mikasa did some horrendous flirting; acting wasn't one of her strongest points- had earned them a 3-D gear nicked off some stupid Military Police solider. He wasn't sure he could use it properly, if at all. Armin insisted on not using it unless it was an emergency, which they never had, since the gas was so precious and hard to find if not in the military. He wasn't sure it would or could, protect him and he would rouse half the building if he crashed into something, be it the tree, building, or window. He didn't particularly know how to work it. He had never practiced.

The light finally went off; it took him long enough. Eren breathed a small victory. He was feeling unusually nervous. He chalked it up to the fact his last job was stupidly easy. Some old fat-ass' wife wanted the guy dead for his money, neither of which were important enough to live in Sina, yet both so arrogant. They lived right here in Trost but acted like the world was beneath their notice. He felt inclined to kill the wife as well to see whether the fat would run off of her like it did her husband, but probably far more so, for she was twice as obsequious.

These stupidly minded little people were very different from a fully fledged solider who risked his life every time he left the livestock safety of the walls for humanity. Eren felt a twinge, albeit a twinge, of guilt for killing such a morally outstanding person. He was somewhat of a hero. The old Eren would have never forgiven the new for the deed. Luckily he wasn't that blind anymore. The man was likely as much a pig as the rest of humanity.

He also felt a drop of trepidation that had nothing to do with guilt. It was a mere crawling of nerves, but enough for him to get an inking it was indeed a trap he was traipsing into. He didn't care; his mind was made up. There was no changing it for anything, not for the ocean Armin used to speak so happily about and never so much as breathed about anymore. He knew what Eren's feelings were; they would never see the outside. It was hopeless and painful to talk about impossible things. Eren would never see the ocean, and he never believed he would.

No matter what awaited inside, it was his decision, and if he wanted to be romantic, it was his destiny. He wouldn't, or couldn't, change his choice now, not after going so far. Eren knew it was a flaw, and perhaps a tragic one, but it was who he was. He couldn't change his green eyes anymore than his stubbornness and arrogance. He would keep his loyalty and vows for as long as he lived.

He crept to the edge of the ledge, the flimsy branches playing with the wind, not knowing they could pitch him to his death so easily with one playful toss too far. The branch was too short to make it to the window. He glared at the distance. He hated, loathed, when something that could have been easy was made hard by one obstacle. If that one thing hadn't happened or been there, it would have been so much easier. He could say the same about the military police and king and his entire life. Perhaps the world would have been happier, better, without their rule. He was sure the previous inhabitants of earth lived easier, better lives, but not only because they didn't have titans knocking at their door. He thought surely their government would protect the poor, the weak, and not act only for money and fame.

He gathered himself and his dwindling courage and took a leap. He didn't fall, luckily. Unluckily, the maneuver gear he wore clattered against the rough siding of the wall as he hung on the tip of the sill. He silently cursed. The man certainly couldn't have fallen asleep so quickly, even with how late it was. He was bound to have heard the noise.

He froze, waiting for the inevitable. Yet no grasping hand came to pull him away. It was ridiculously quiet. Maybe the man had left. It would've made Eren's life easier. The obstacle thing would become unimportant to this situation. Life would work out the way it was supposed to; in Eren's favor. It seemed to be doing a pretty good job of fucking him over so far though, so he wasn't holding his breath. Instead he gave a small relief-filled sigh. He would lie in wait and surprise the man with a knife in his back when he returned. He did not ponder the fact the man was waiting for him inside. Surely the clatter of the gear would only sound like the tree branches against the siding. He did not want to ponder it. It was too late to turn back.

He drew the crowbar from the maneuver sheath. He had no need for the easily-broken box-cutter swords so he often carried materials for a job inside. He wasn't going to kill any titans anytime soon. He hefted the metal bar with ease; living in a dump one had to gain a little muscle, though he was still slender. He had lost a great deal of weight and Mikasa often admonished him for refusing the soldiers' scraps when they were "generous" enough. He wanted nothing of the cold-blooded murderers, but she insisted he needed the nutrients or he would die. He believed he would never die of something so simple as starvation. He had too much to live for, too much revenge in his heart.

He always tried to get Armin to eat enough however, so maybe she was thinking along the same lines for him. It angered Eren and was a constant source of irritation for both. He didn't want to be babied. At the same time however, Mikasa was his sister and he was glad she cared enough to want him protected and cared for. Not that he needed it, but it was nice for someone to care occasionally. Not that he'd ever tell her that; she'd never go away.

He wanted to take this job because she already had so much work. He couldn't let her add another, not even if she was more skilled than him. He didn't want her to go and get hurt or killed. "Don't come, even if I don't come back," he had told her. He also insisted he had been on tons of projects and always completed them, he'd be fine, they shouldn't worry. It seemed to work initially, but when Eren was walking out the door to start, getting stuff ready and such, Mikasa tried to knock him out with the end of a broom. He had barely escaped. He thought if he'd been hit, he would have died. Luckily he dodged. He was just glad she didn't come chasing after him; her running face was said to inspire terror.

Both Armin and Mikasa seemed suspicious of the note, and perhaps Eren should have listened to their wisdom, or at least have gotten knocked out with the broom like he was supposed to. But here he was. He supposed he should be thankful Armin went over plans with him at least. The boy had seemed shaky and nervous, but had he not helped Eren, he really would be screwed. Both he and Mikasa certainly could do heavy work, but they needed Armin to actually get places. He thought of their plans and any operations they had to do. Anything they did to farther their goal of getting to Sina was because of Armin, and Eren could never repay him enough for it. He felt a great amount of love and obligation towards the small blonde, and he didn't want him completing most jobs in person either, like Mikasa. He didn't care about himself, but Mikasa and Armin were too precious to lose.

He had to admit though, his and Mikasa's angry faces' usually elicited suspicion. There were certain jobs that needed an innocent, pretty face. He hated when they got ones like that, but they needed the money so badly. Armin always had to go, and it tore Eren up inside. It was better when Armin only got day or crowd jobs. That way, he and Mikasa could take secret or night jobs. It worked out pretty well. They hadn't gotten caught yet.

He worked the underneath of the rim, trying to get a good enough grip. He found a promising location and adjusted his body- as much as he could- so most of his weight would be supporting the bar. He yanked up, hearing the wood crack in protest. It gave a stuttering moan before giving. With smooth accuracy he pushed it up; he had actually done this before after all.

It was a good thing his body was petite. It looked as if he could fit through the gap easily. Armin believed both their lacks of growth, Armin and his, Mikasa was super human, were because of malnutrition. Eren wasn't sure about the exact science. Armin was much better with that stuff than him. He did know however, he was shorter than the well-fed, rich bastards who dreamed of the military police.

He met a particularly nasty trainee on a stray mission; a two-toned dick. He wished the mission had been for him instead to shut him up. Eren had just expressing his opinions calmly, socializing with the crowd and such, and the guy had busted in with his own rotten opinion. Eren didn't care about what he had to say; Eren was never going to believe in it coming from him anyways. Seriously though, who cared about some big-headed pompous ass who hadn't lived as half as hard as he had. He probably had it so easy; a living family, a roof over his head, a job already set in Sina. He was an ass now, and when he lived in Sina, he'd be a fat, rich ass like the rest of them. Rich off the death and misery of others. It was disgusting. He had nothing to say to Jean Kirchstein. Eren wished he had never gotten to this point in his thoughts, for even the thought of him made him wish to puke.

He somehow always managed to run into the guy after that incident when him was visiting his merchant family on military breaks; two a year. It infuriated him to no end. Kirchstein always wore that stupid smirk of his, and he would always, always address him with, "What is it, Eren?" It drove Eren insane. Their "conversations" always turned to bloody fistfights. The guy's damn gold eyes would just glow with a hunter's light, and Eren would feel himself rise to the challenge. It made their fights violent, but neither of them wanted the police involved, so they kept quiet and fought in the darkest alleyways.

Surprisingly enough, it was sometimes fun, even if Mikasa would continue her rant for hours after patching him up, with, "What were you thinking?" or "You could've been caught!" She didn't understand; she had never met him. He had seen her before though, and would not shut up about her and how jealous he was of him. He didn't know her; it pissed Eren off. He thought of her as a pretty face. It was entirely stupid. And often such love advice consultations often ended with Eren's fist in Jean's face; he didn't care about Jean's fap material quite honestly.

And now he was absolutely disgusted by the turn of thought. He turned his attention to the much more worthy window sill. Surely the man would come back any minute, and he surveyed the damage he caused as best he could dangling midair. It passed his low standards and he shimmied it a fraction before ungracefully climbing through. Or, at least, that was the plan. He made it halfway through before he got stuck. He inwardly groaned, trying to not make any noise, although he had already alerted anyone in the room to his presence.

The two tiers of the solid wood weren't moving anytime soon. They were becoming more uncomfortable by the passing second, digging into his stomach. He had miscalculated his waist girth apparently. There was also a great deal of pressure on his back, and he was finding it harder to ignore the pain. He accidentally gave a small whine as he moved around slightly, not expecting how sharp it was.

Eren was so involved with his predicament he didn't notice the slight shadow, the light of the moon casting a weak imitation of the sun, over him until it spoke, "Took you long enough. I was worried I'd fucking fall asleep," the shadow watched him squirm, "You really are a shitty assassin, aren't you?" Eren tried to shoot up like his instincts told him to, but instead earned a pained moan as the wood bit down. He would have frightful bruises tomorrow if he survived. It wasn't looking too likely, considering the flash of silver playing at the corner of vision.

"Oh fuck," he tried to move without luck. "Who the fuck are you? What do you want?" Perhaps these were stupid questions to ask, but Eren was trapped in a window and not entirely thinking. It was, after all, a stressful situation. He really didn't want to be trapped while the man could kill him in one blow.

"Calm the fuck down," the man had a love for Eren's language. "You're the one who broke into my window. Shouldn't you be telling me what you want, not the other way around?" the man's little box-cutter swords no longer seemed so small as they crept towards Eren's peripheral.

"Get those things the fuck away from me," Eren spit and cursed, writhing as the wood cut deeper and deeper. "You know what I want? Huh? I want to fucking kill you and spill your blood on this fucking floor and so I wouldn't be acting so pretty-pretty around me, now would I?" Eren had this unfortunate habit of acting like he was tough in situations he could never win. It was always made him lose in things less important, like bar brawls or Jean fights. It could cost him his life here.

The man squinted, as though trying to reason with Eren's logic. "I've got these swords, right? You are stuck in a window. Why are you telling me what to do?" He just seemed confused, as though Eren's stupidity was so strong he couldn't even barely understand him.

"You don't understand me," he snarled. The man nodded his assent. "I don't mean it like that! But how could you, the pampered bastard you are, how could you understand what I went through? I suffered like you never did," spittle dripped on the floor from bared, clenched teeth, with no hands to muffle its flow.

The man winced, at the spittle, but said nothing about Eren's statement. If he had to pinpoint an emotion, he would say boredom would be the closest, followed by disgusted. It was likely the only state of mind the man ever had.

The swords flashed closer, flying dangerously close to the nape of the neck. He would die as in disgrace as the titans did. Such a thought was sobering, if not depressing. He did not lose his anger. The situation was not going well for him, and he began to doubt it was the man who would be murdered. It would more likely be Eren himself.

"I fucking hate people like you. You're blinding by your disgust, hatred, you can't see anything in front of you. I can't stand it, you fucking bastard. I don't even want to see your disgusting face," Eren ended in a near-scream. He felt so hopeless, everything, every bottled emotion, hatred, seemed to come pouring out of him.

The man seemed to take nothing to heart, something Eren would later be grateful for. But now he could only see the man wasn't reacting, like he didn't even care, "You can't feel anything, can you? You're like a fucking machine." The man's eyes jolted to Eren's. It appeared he hit a nerve. He never did know where to stop, "I bet all those children dying for you, you don't feel a thing for. They laid down their lives in blood and you fucking abandoned them, you fucking bastard. You let them die! You couldn't save them. You couldn't save anyone. Why couldn't you have killed the titans before they broke the wall? Why did so many have to fucking die!"

For the first time since his mother left, after he cried in the scratchy sheets infested with parasites, he felt the burn of tears. The man appeared to have been punched in the gut, quite hard. He raised a flashing hand. Eren knew his death. He was glad it wasn't as bad as being taken into the Military Police or killed by titans.

The man cut into the wood which had been biting into Eren's side for so long now, long forgotten. He felt growing bruises. More importantly, he realized he was semi-free. He scrambled for an advantage, using his legs to try and kick out the man's out from under him, like a icy blonde girl named Annie, part of the trainee force, had taught him to do drunk in a bar one night. They seemed to be of the same breed, the two of them, and couldn't decide whether they liked or hated each other. At least it was easy to decide for Jean.

The man rolled, something Eren didn't believe the military taught, and with a vise strength, grabbed Eren's arms. Eren bucked his legs back, ready to kick his stomach, when the man took one of the those blades and laid it at his throat. Eren's eyes widened, and he tried to breathe through his nose as to not disturb the blade. A trickle of red slid down anyways. The man's pupils were blown, his eyes blacker from it but black previously, and he murmured near Eren's ear, "I don't want to kill you," the words were so simple, but he felt a jolt from them. He wasn't sure of what.

He matched the man's tone, gently turning to the side, "Why?" he felt brevity would work the best in this scenario. The man bit his thin lips, evidentially not expecting a question while he held a knife to his throat, "You… Remind me of someone I know. Someone… Important, I suppose. Maybe some wouldn't classify them as such, but they're important… to me," the words were full of breaks, but still managed to get the point across.

Eren choked a laugh, "You're saving me because of some random bitch you decided you liked. Don't bother, I don't need pity. Don't spare me; after all, I'm nothing but fucking trash," he bit into his tongue, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. It was purposeful; he hoped to scare the man just a little, to break that countenance a little more into the beast he knew all people to be.

"You love to curse," if the man could, he looked as if he'd tap his chin, "Perhaps that person is closer to me than you realize. Perhaps, I know the best the good you can do if you try, or some shit like that."

"What good is there? What makes something good? It's all opinion, dammit. You can't know what's good or not. How do you know my life and what I do isn't something good for people. How do you fucking know," softly, almost as a afterthought, "how do you know anything?"

Of course the man heard it; he was a few inches away. "Is that a question for me, or for you, brat?" Eren near didn't hear him, lost in the conversation as he was.

"I'm not a fucking brat," he jerked, sending a stream of blood down his neck. The man shifted slightly. He really did seem to not want to kill him. "You act like one, so high and mighty. Calm your rage, and perhaps you can see more than a few feet in front of you."

"Don't fucking talk to me like that. You don't own me," the man raised his eyebrows slightly. "Even if you are holding a knife to my throat, you don't have my soul, my heart. Don't think because you're part of the Corps I'll treat you any differently. The military's all the same, as I can see from your fucking example," this only left the man with a question.

"Did you like the Corps, when you were a kid, or something? I see a lot like that."

"Don't talk to me like that! It was a fucking phase. I'll still kill you! I promise. I swear on my life I will," Eren vowed he'd never let the man handle him so easily. He had won the upper hand, for now, but he wouldn't hold it forever. He'd find a way to kill him; he had to.

The man reached for something in front of Eren, and the knife slid across Eren's neck, slick with blood. It passed over his jugular, luckily not cutting it, before resting right under his chin. He wasn't a doctor, but he was pretty sure if the man cut up, Eren would die, and quickly, of blood loss. He had no choice but to stay still, for the man's hand was steadily and quick. He'd have no problem killing him like this. He was beginning to wonder why he didn't just.

The man drew a pair of silver handcuffs from the darkness above Eren's head. He slid them over the slick boards, newly waxed it felt, and brought one to his wrist, close to his side. He wondered whether he could move his hand enough to choke the man and then grab his dagger, when the man suddenly let go of the sword, sending it clashing to the floor near Eren's head; he flinched slightly, the hesitation just enough for the man to grab both of Eren's wrists, clip them together, and thrust them high above his head so he couldn't do something like choke the man with them.

The man leaned his weight against the arm that pinned Eren's chained wrists down, and with an ease Eren wished he himself had, the man drew back, bouncing up from the balls of his feet, and grabbed Eren. He then threw him, easily, against the heavy wooden wardrobe in the corner of the room. Eren's back hit it very hard, and the wind knocked out of him. He choked a curse at the man, before the man grabbed his hands again, twisting them behind his back, unlocking one, twisting it around the wardrobe's carved leg, and clipping it back on again in a fluid motion so fast it left Eren dizzy. He was beginning to wonder, and he said so with a mixture of colorful curses, for his wrists had began to rub raw terribly, whether the man was super human.

He only looked slightly less bored, which Eren took to be his amused face, before the man settled into bed, clothes and all. Apparently, he gave zero fucks. He was still wearing the maneuver straps for Maria's fucking ass' sake. "Is that a fetish of yours, being rubbed raw in those places by the straps. Is that what turns you on?" he didn't think about his words. He was very bad with sex and romance in general, but any insults for the tiny, little man seemed to be needed. Eren was having trouble not being afraid, and therefore turned to his less mature side.

"Is it any wonder I call you a brat? Don't you have any manners at all?" he seemed slightly exasperated. Eren was too; he wanted to be back with Armin and Mikasa, at home.

He tested the wardrobe's consistency. It was rigid and utterly unmovable. "This wardrobe's fucking nailed to the floor, isn't it." it wasn't really a question. The man answered anyway, with as much sweetness as it seemed he could muster, "Yes," he nodded into his pillow, facedown into the fluffy mess. It seemed childish, and somewhat human, for mankind's killing machine.

"I still think you killed all those people. Let them die and shit," he had lost his heart with some of the blood lost from his throat. It wasn't nearly as biting as before.

"And you've probably killed someone in multiple ways," the man's voice was muffled. What had hurt him so deeply before seemed to lessen its pain said multiple times. Or maybe he knew Eren didn't really mean it this time.

"I don't think you can kill one person in multiple ways. They can only die once." He was nearly falling asleep, his replies becoming less and less venomous. The blood loss made his head dizzy as well, and he was finding his anger hard to hold on to. He'd find it in the morning. The man was almost too skilled to stay angry at anyways.

"You don't fucking know that," the man seemed to be drifting as well.

"You don't fucking own me."

"We're back to that again?"

"I hate you."

"Real mature."

"I'm not going to leave here, am I? You won't let me," it was soft, maybe the man wouldn't hear it, but even with Eren's anger, his hatred, he didn't truly hate the Corps man. He had gotten the better of him, that was true. But hatred; he had meant what he had said, that he still blamed the Corps for not stopping the massacre, that they were weak and cruel like everyone else was. But he was also fifteen and was scared he'd never go home. He'd never tell the man that, though.

"Brat, I don't think I would want to stop you if you really decide to leave after I'm done with you," it sounded ominous, but Eren's chin was resting on his shoulder and he felt like a guard dog puppy tired after mock-protecting the master's house while his parents were out. He really was tired. He thought he might've even began to dream, for he had some weird flashing visions, mostly titans and blood. He'd been having them since the day of the fall. They used to scare him, but strangely enough, when he dreamed about it, he could never remember the ending. He had already stopped thinking about what the man said. He couldn't remember what it was either.

But he used to wake and find himself crying. It was embarrassing, and he hoped it wouldn't happen near the man. The gap between them was already large enough; his skill and the man's were so far apart from each other, he wondered whether he'd ever bridge it. To get to his level was probably the only way to kill him.

Yawning, and without thinking, he said the phase he used to repeat to his mother, slightly red-cheeked in the older years, every night. It was four in the morning and Eren was tired, so he relapsed, "Sweet dreams," as he said it, even dreamily, he cursed himself mentally. Why was his mouth an automatic receive and respond system?

He hoped the man took it as a teasing, as a joke. It wouldn't have been the worse thing he'd said all night. The burn in his throat could've told him that.

The man apparently didn't, for with a smile and a small chuckle, the first one he'd seen all night, he repeated the statement.

Now Eren's cheeks burned too, for an entirely different reason. He needed the anger back, and quickly. Unluckily, his anger had decided, between getting thrown to the floor, twisted around, and tied to the wardrobe, to take a hike while he still couldn't do anything to hurt the man. And he was fucking tired. He'd use that excuse in myriads.

"I'm fucking tired, shut up."

"Okay," the phase was simple, carrying the man's slight amusement. It was amazing such an unemotional looking man could carry such much emotion in his voice.

"Okay," he repeated, and he fell asleep. He would have horrible neck and back pain in the morning.

"Goddamn brat. Falling asleep…" the man trailed off as he watched the boy's sleeping form. "You'll need those sweet dreams, for later," and with such a retort he twisted over, pretending his sinking feelings and thoughts were because of the time and damned cold temperature, four in the morning and October. He didn't want to kill the brat, but he didn't want to grow attached either.

He would later find that the sentiment was unavoidable when it came to Eren. But for now he lay in blessed ignorance, the snores coming from the corner causing him to emit a snort until he finally fell asleep.


	2. Why is Everything so Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets Levi's squad, gets beaten up, and becomes a tester for Hanji's experiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAAAAYYYYYY..
> 
> Okay, not really.
> 
> Hanji. Just Hanji.
> 
> I love Petra.  
> IDK- Hope you enjoy it. It's double the length of the first chapter so.
> 
> Edit- I think all the chapter names are what I think about my life, actually.

When Eren awoke, his neck and back were on fire. He uttered a sharp curse and tried to shift his weight, which only succeeded in gaining another curse when he scraped his raw wrists against the unyielding metal of the handcuffs.

 

He glanced over at the lump the man made in his bed. He didn't remember the last night's favorably; he was furious the man had gotten the better hand. "Fuck you," he muttered under his breath. He didn't want to deal with the man's biting remarks, some of which even got through Eren's shell, hard as it was from dealing with the cruel military soldiers over the years, so he said it quietly enough. Make no mistake, when the man woke up, he'd cuss him out. He just didn't want to poke the proverbial lion any more times than he should. And letting him sleep seemed the best option. At least, at the current moment, when Eren could enjoy a few less harrowing moments before their fiery argument and fight.

 

Everything was blurred slightly. There was sleep in his eyes and he couldn't reach it. The more he actually thought about it, the more frustrated he was. "Fuck you," accidentally saying the sentiment to hands. Maybe he was more tired than he thought.

 

"Excuse me," the man's dry voice woke him and his anger up, "but I didn't actually did anything yet. Unless you are talking about last night. Then, yes, I would say fuck you too."

 

He didn't want to explain he was talking to himself, because that would just be weird, so he threw an insult, "Oh, so sorry. I'll ask more politely this time; please fuck yourself," he nodded at his own insult. It was pretty good.

 

The man stood, looking annoyed, "Why are you so rude, brat?" he murmured something under his breath, and Eren got the impression he shouldn't have heard it, "Even when I was like that, I still had a relatively polite attitude. Brats these days."

 

Eren was never one to hold back his thoughts or questions he had, "What are you even talking about? You can never be like me. Your life was pretty too good for the way I've lived.

 

The man looked skeptical, but he didn't say anything. It didn't seem worth it to try and convince the supposed brat of his opinion, was the feeling Eren got from his expression.

 

"It took you long enough to get up," the man examined his nails.

 

"What the hell are talking about? I was up before your fat ass," Eren didn't care whether his insults made sense, though the man actually had a very nice ass if Eren was looking, which he wasn't. Of course he wasn't. At all.

 

"You weren't actually. I've been up for a very long time, and your loud-ass breathing had been going on about the entirety of it. You only stopped when you woke up, so I, of course, have been up for far longer than you using that logic."

 

Eren wasn't very good with mornings, and he was having trouble processing what the man was saying with his eyes still tired and blurred and his hands burning from the extended strain. He had trouble, therefore, with coming up with a good comeback that wouldn't sound like he wasn't an idiot.

 

He decided to go with, "What, have you been up all night or something?". The man fixed him with a cold glare, freezing Eren's cells one by one until his entire body felt like a block of ice. The man must have some sort of magic power or shit, seriously.

 

"You wouldn't understand," the man started. His gaze sharpened as Eren rolled his shoulders in a ill-hidden show of challenge. "Okay, you want to go with that then," the man answered. He had originally been sitting up in his bed, but he got up, stretching his legs, and walked to where Eren half-lay and sat. He bowed to Eren's level, looking him in the eye. It was unnerving; the man's eyes were near lifeless, with the only sign of life being two tiny pinpricks at either side of the orbs.

 

"Those deaths you talked about yesterday, you wouldn't understand how they weigh on you. They drag you down, until it almost seems like a good idea to just give up, to stop fighting. But if you stop fighting the titans, they'll kill you. They'll kill everyone. So I have to keep fighting, and I have to keep sacrificing those innocents. So if you can't understand why the government killed all those Maria refugees, why the Survey Corps fight a losing battle, then you can never talk to me about those lives lost. You don't understand at all. Some sacrifices are needed to save everyone. You're here today because of that, so don't talk to me so highly about murderers and cruelty. We did what we had to, to save you and people like you," the man finished, and Eren got the idea he didn't usually speak so much.

 

It didn't mean, however, the man's speech had not pushed every button he was aware of, and others he wasn't, "What the actual fuck! You say not to speak so highly, yet you seem to think of it as your responsibility and right to sacrifice those peoples' lives. Its theirs' for a reason! They have the right to decide whether they want to die, or whether they want to live. The government gave no choice; you would die by their hands or by the titans. You know what, you know fucking what! There's no fucking difference between them and the titans! They're both cold-blooded monsters," his chest heaving, he looked the man right back, lifeless eyes to his glittering ones.

 

The man seemed startled, and faintly disgusted. He wiped a strand of Eren's saliva off his cheek. "You have very firm opinions, however unpopular they are. I don't think I could ever change them," the man hesitated, "and I think in a way you're right," he seemed wary to say. "Mankind really is cruel." He continued with far more anger in his voice, "But don't ever fucking say titans and humans are the same. You don't understand the cruelty titans are capable of. I've seen comrades ripped apart right in front of me. Don't tell me humans and titans are the same. They're not."

 

"You're right," Eren nodded like he agreed, "humans hide their true nature much better. They are much crueler than titans. At least titans don't try and hide what they really are," the man looked frustrated, but surprisingly he didn't push the issue. Most adults always thought it was their duty to teach things to people lower than them and colleagues, but the man seemed to sense he really could never change his opinion.

 

Eren couldn't help but ponder what the man's conversation's point was; that he could never understand what those deaths meant. Though Eren wasn't in the military, he knew first hand what his mother's death had meant to himself and Armin's parents to him. And he was in Shigashina, though his little group had gotten out before the titans had overrun the city too badly. He had never been gladder his mother had decided that day to follow him to follow up their argument about the Survey Corps, even if she had been trying to convince him not to go. It had saved her life. He didn't like to think of what his life would be like had she not decided to go that day. It still gave him nightmares. He had a feeling whatever he would've seen that day would have made him far more messed up than he was currently. He was grateful he got a few more months with his mother before she died.

 

Perhaps he would've hated the titans with the same intensity he now hated the king and the military bastards. He had mixed feelings he saw the truth behind humanity. He did want to know what the government did, of course, but all the things he had seen over the years, the terrible things the lords and police had done, he wondered whether he would've been happier, albeit a sick, fake happiness, if he believed titans were the root of all evil.

 

Eren could only see titans as an abstract force, as a tool the government used to dispose of innocent people with. He had never seen one up close, only from the boat they left the city with. His mother told him to close his eyes, but he watched the destruction until it had vanished, far down the river that took them to Trost.

 

For a while, his family had gotten on fine, though his father had disappeared in the wreckage of the city. He hadn't gotten on the boat with them; he had been on a business trip to the inner city that day and hadn't been near Eren and the rest of his family. He had no idea where he'd gone. But Armin's family and his had lived together in the slums, as happy as the circumstances allowed them to be, even though they were slowly starving because no one would give the "dirty" refugees food. Even then, Eren had felt the sting of resentment against the people who were allowing them to die, even wishing they would. His mother being there tempered it slightly, but he was still angry.

 

When the calls began coming, the police stopping at wrecked door to wrecked door, Eren began to feel flares of panic and hatred. He tried to stab the policeman who finally came for his mother, but Mikasa held him back. That was one of the last times she would; she was angry too. And Eren learned to wait, though he had anger relapses time to time, when he simply had to kill someone.

 

He had never hated anyone more, the policeman with a disgusting smile, who looked at his mother like a piece of meat, and who said if he could fuck her he'd lift the draft for her only. Eren had heard him say that to every young woman on the block, and some agreed, but all had to go. Eren's mother refused, proud and seeing through the ruse. The man's beastly grin only widened, and he said he'd rape her then. He closed the door behind him, a gun pointed at the small of her back, and she looked back to Eren and mouthed goodbye, and that was the last time he'd ever seen her. Armin's parents also left, following suit and waving sadly to Armin, his father laying a palm gently on his head while both held back tears. Armin's mother took his hand and whispered something that caused Armin's tears to fall for real, choking out a sob. All Eren could remember of their faces were their gentle smiles as they left to find Eren's mother and the soldier.

 

They had all said their real goodbyes the night before, for Eren's mother had also noticed the soldiers' trend. He also was sure she noticed the way the soldiers leered too, for she kept all of them, Armin, Mikasa, and him, in the farthest corner of the dirt floored one room shithole they called home when they finally came. Eren's mother had told Mikasa to take care of him, and then she told him to not be so stubborn and to be safe. he fell asleep in her arms, something he hadn't done since he was nine. Armin was doing the same, wedged between his parents, and Mikasa lay against him. It was one of Eren's happiest moments, and it was also entwined with the pain of his mother's departure and death. He couldn't help the bittersweet stab the memory always left him with.

 

Everyone in the slums knew it was a death wish. That much was clear with the sobs that punctuated the crowd's cheers as they left the gates for the last time. It must've been similar to what the Survey Corps always left, but Eren wasn't thinking of them. He was thinking of how he couldn't find his mother that day, in the huge crowd of refugees, all to never return, and how he never wished her good luck, never told her to be safe and cautious like she had said to him, and how he always wished he could go back and tell her. Or better yet, have been strong enough to kill that soldier who he hated so much, who had died of a heart attack before Eren could ever get to him. He died like he lived; in comfort. Perhaps his mother would've been alive then. 

 

It wasn't fair at all his mother had survived so much only to be sent back to die by her own people. After he had received her letter of death, and even before then, he swore to get revenge on the king and the military police, who had used the titans as tools to dispose of the people they had decided were no longer necessary. That kind of cruelty Eren had never been able to use. He could only kill people he thought deserved it,  which had eventually morphed to mean the entire military and some people on top, but never innocent people, never a mother hugging her child tightly as if she could protect them from the world, never a pair of lovers who would gladly die for each other. Eren could've never killed people like that. It was a thin line to walk on, to decide who was fit to live and die by his own standards, but Eren was used to doing it. It was, after all, kind of his job.

 

Although it had been a great many seconds between the two's last sentence, Eren decided to press the issue a little farther. It began to bother him just slightly, "You know, maybe you're kind of right. Maybe some of deaths were necessary. But I'm more right. I still don't think the government could decide whose deaths were necessary and whose weren't. Surely those fucking rich pigs could've gone instead. Not those who had already suffered so much."

 

This drew a surprised look and a slight nod, "Perhaps you're slightly right as well, but you're still a brat. But yes, there were people there who didn't deserve to die at all."

 

"None of them fucking did! They didn't do anything!" Eren interjected loudly, his eyes flaring again.

 

"That's rich coming from you," it wasn't said cruelly, but he still bristled, "You're an assassin, isn't that right? How could you say none of those people deserved it? There are different definitions of righteousness. You kill people you think deserve to die for money, and yet you think others are evil for killing."

 

"And how could you ever fucking say those people deserved it! That's what I want to know!" Eren strained against the handcuffs, forgetting them in his anger.

 

"Not all of them. But they were kind of invaders, weren't they? They were eating everyone's food and shit," that was the point Eren spit in the man's face, for real. It splattered everywhere, dripping down his chin and onto his clothes.

 

"Are those your thoughts, or the king's? Is there even any fucking difference? How in all the heavenly walls could you, someone who fights for justice against the titans, say such a fucking horrible thing!"

 

The man looked equally sheepish and disgusted. He was looking around for some sort of cleaning device, not meeting Eren's eyes, but he said, "It wasn't really my thoughts, you know? I was wondering how you'd react, for those words used to drive me insane. They made me so angry."

 

"Why'd you fucking say it then?" The man shrugged. "It's some people's views, right? Some might take it as an excuse for the death of the refugees."

 

"It's a fucking awful excuse," Eren shook his head, also disgusted, but for a different reason than the man.

 

The man, resigned, fished out a napkin from his pocket. He watched it sadly. Eren watched the going ons with some measure of interest, though he tried to hide it, "Why in all the fucks are you looking at the handkerchief like that?"

 

"I might need it later and this is my only one," the man looked conflicted, "It takes forever to go through the wash. It's the newbies' job, and they are fucking awful at it," Eren hid a strange chuckle, ashamed at himself.

 

"Are you going to cry or some shit," Shit, Eren's voice was almost teasing. He almost forgot where he was. He pretended to cough lightly, "I mean, that would be fucking pathetic, your pathetic, I mean, yeah," it sounded sad to his own ears.

 

The man was luckily ignoring him, finally deciding to dab the cloth over his face, "I fucking hate you for this. This is disgusting. If I hadn't promised myself I wouldn't kill you, I would kill you now."

 

Eren barely felt afraid; he found it hard when the man conversed so easily, albeit fierily, with him. He was still angry, furious, at some of the things the man had done and said, but he wasn't afraid. He could tell the man was skillful, but for some weird reason he wouldn't kill him. Eren would take it, for it would make killing him far more easy.

 

The man finished and pulled out a key from the same pocket. He folded the napkin and placed it on the side table near his bed, and turned his attention to the lock of the handcuffs.

 

"How are we going to do this?" he obviously asked himself. Eren knew what he himself was going to do; he was going to break the shit out of here. The man didn't seem to share his thoughts, obviously wanting him to stay safely in the cuffs. Eren tried to formulate a plan, but the only one he could think of was more as fast as possible when the cuffs were unlocked and slip past the man's side. It was risky, and Eren doubted he could make it very far considering what happened last night. Perhaps the man was tired as well, though.

 

The man did something Eren didn't anticipate at all, which was pretty stupid now he thought back on it. The man head butted him, hard, knocking both their heads together. Eren's head was hard, but it wasn't that hard. He cursed loudly, and the man used the distraction to free his hands. It, unfortunately for him, didn't last long enough to place them back on again.

 

Eren raised a powerful fist, throwing it towards the man's face. The man anticipated it, better than him, grabbed it, and took his knee and slammed it hard into Eren's stomach. He streamed broken curses from his mouth, the pain bringing tears near to his eyes and losing his breath. He brought a flat palmed hand to Eren's forehead to stop his momentum from crashing into him and to stop him from bringing him down onto the floor with Eren on top of him. Such a position would've given Eren a huge advantage, but only if he was in any position to function, which he wasn't. The blow had been really hard.

 

The man clicked the handcuffs back on. He looked faintly disappointed, but also proud at the same time. It was a strange mixture, and Eren wondered if the blow to his head had affected something that allowed him to sense emotional changes. "Not like I didn't expect it," the man muttered. He dropped his voice lower, in volume and pitch, and to himself he whispered, "It's what I would've done."

 

Eren didn't think he was supposed to have heard that, so he ignored it. Normally he was an annoying little bitch when it came to getting information, but he knew some boundaries. The man hadn't talked about anything like that, and he had just been kneed in the stomach. He would save some questions for later. He still, however, had some he would ask, "Where are you going to take me? And that fucking hurt, by the way. Like, a lot."

 

He had previously believed the man's eyes were pupils, but there were tiny pinpricks in their depths. It was kind of fascinating. The man watched him carefully for a second, and then stood up. For good measure, he delivered a second kick to Eren's damaged stomach. He thought he might start spitting blood.

 

Eren took back what he said before. He was a little afraid of the man, and he was fucking furious with him. "What the actual fuck!"

 

"Don't try anything like that again," the man smoothed his features back into his unemotional mask, and Eren had never wanted to tear off someone's face more than that point.

 

But it had served its point. The kick had restored the weak hierarchy between the two. What was laughable to Eren was the man thought he would stop fighting. But he wouldn't. He would never.

 

But he was also beginning to think it was impossible to one-up this super human. He had never met someone quite like him before.

 

The man moved around, apparently studying Eren. He was doing the same, just less obviously. It was the first time Eren had seen him in the light. He was incredibly short. Eren added an insult to his mental book. He sensed the man kneel down behind his back; he didn't want to give in to moving with the man. It would make Eren seem weak. Even if it did make him uncomfortable to be showing the man his back.

 

The man clucked his tongue. "These wrist wounds are pretty nasty. They must hurt like a bitch."

 

"You know what hurts more? My stomach," he would've rubbed it venomously if he could've. 

 

"At least it wasn't your dick I decided to punish," the man stilled. He obviously didn't expect the words to sound like they did when they were spoken.

 

"I mean- that wasn't-" he started.

 

"You old fucking pervert."

 

"Shut up brat. I wouldn't want you anyway," the man began examining his wrists again. "I've seen worse though," he finished his inspection and stood, dusting his hands.

 

Eren thought about how he hadn't bathed in months. He couldn't even smell himself anymore; that was how bad it'd gotten. He looked around the man's room, meticulously clean, and felt some small victory having the man have to be so close to him. It was probably some sort of physical torture. 

 

Eren shifted his weight, and the man wrinkled his nose. "I don't want to be the one to tell you this, no, actually I do, but you fucking ass-stink. It's really horrible," the man shook his head as Eren actually smiled. "Well, it's good I do, because it makes you disgusted, right?"

 

"You're so immature, brat."

 

"I don't want to make a military ass suck-up like me."

 

"You don't have to like me, brat. We'd be good if you just try and stop killing me."

 

"Fat chance."

 

"Do you want breakfast?" Eren blinked at the sudden change in conversation. "Why? Do you want something from me? Are you going to knee me in the stomach for it?"

 

The man sighed and rubbed his temples, "I only fucking did that because you tried to escape, okay? I won't do it again if you don't. And I'm motherfucking ass hungry, and I'd like it if you could go because there is no way in hell I'm going to leave you alone in this room."

 

Eren muttered, "It's like I'm a toddler or something," to which he replied, "It's the same kind of feeling." He hefted him to his feet, and he wobbled, his feet protesting, having been cut off of blood for almost the entire night. 

 

The man held him, and continued holding his elbows, guiding him to the door. "I can see the fucking door, you know," Eren protested.

 

"You can see it, but you also want to fucking escape, and so I'm going to hold your arms."

 

"For the entire trip?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Fuck." The man opened the door and steered Eren to the right. A venomous glare was deflected with a blank expression. The entire situation pissed Eren off, and he tried to shake the man off, throwing most of his weight to one side, and moving quickly, trying to twist him off. 

 

"Would you stop fucking moving? Not so Holy Walls," he grabbed Eren's arms tightly, so hard he began to lose circulation, pushed his weight forward, and slammed Eren into a wall. Luckily, Eren thought o move his head to the side before impact so his cheek got the force, not his nose. He still thought he heard a tooth crack or two.

 

"Would you fucking stop? I really want my goddamn tea, and you're making it hard to get it," the man sounded pissed.

 

"Whatever," Eren tched. His plan had failed, and he was beginning to wonder whether any of them would work that he'd thought of. Where was Armin when you needed him.

 

The man led him around for a few minutes more, and Eren suspected he was leading him in circles to confuse him. He swore he had seen that same torch holder five times before, and there was no way in hell it would take this long to get to the mess hall in such a small building.

 

Finally they arrived at the archway. Eren could've help a twinge of nervousness. He had tried to kill one of their most beloved of soldiers. He was still trying to kill him, actually. If the man told them, it would not go well for Eren. 

 

At the table closest to front and to the pair, there was a group of four who had all acknowledged the man when he walked in. Two actually came over, a pretty woman with a soft smile, and an ugly man who followed her like a dog. He had a curled lip that seemed always in a scowl no matter what emotion it was displaying, and a widow's peak of dirty grey hair. It was kind of creepy, seeing the man, who seemed closer to late forties chase the woman, who seemed closer to mid twenties. The man was talking to the woman as they walked over, and she handled him pretty well, with a snap of "Aurou!" as they drew closer. She seemed angry at something he'd said.

 

She greeted him nice enough however, with a "nice to meet you!" and a smile. She seemed like a really great person. Eren couldn't say the same for Aurou. He was an asshole.

 

The woman's face seemed to shine as she talked to the man, about what happened with such, with admiration and something else. It seemed even prettier, and Eren couldn't help but like her. Even if she did like the man. It made him almost feel guilty for trying to kill him, almost.

 

"Petra," the man interrupted. He had slid from behind him to beside him without him even noticing. He tried not to jump too obviously. She tilted her bobbed head, her small mouth shutting, a strand of hair sliding across her face. It looked soft and smooth. Eren looked at man, wondering whether the two were together, for it seemed impossible for them to not be, but the man didn't either seem to notice or care. He remained as blank as ever, though his eyes had softened a shade.

 

He noticed Eren's gaze and turned his dark, inexpressive eyes, hardening now they were away from Petra. He was probably thinking Eren was planning to escape. A few ideas had indeed passed through his head, but he'd never make it. The place was crawling, even as early, for Eren's standards, as it was.

 

The man looked like he was about to begin explaining about Eren, which was probably why he interrupted Petra, but two other men disentangled themselves from the table and came to stand in their group as well. One looked vaguely like a woodpecker, the other had long blonde hair tied in a ponytail. Both also seemed to know the man well. Most people in the room seemed just a little frightened of the man; Eren noticed the flitting glances and the whispers they thought no one could hear them saying to their friends.

 

These two came with a friendly smile and wave, obviously comfortable, "Hello Levi. Did you sleep well?" the tall blonde said warmly.

 

"No," the man, Levi, muttered. "But thanks for asking, Erd."

 

Erd smiled, but didn't press farther. They must've really known the man, Levi, well then.

 

The woodpecker spoke up, "Who's this?"

 

Levi stiffened slightly. It seemed to Eren like he should've thought of what he was going to say by now, and he must've, because he said calmly, "Just a brat I picked up." The group looked confused, but none of them pressed, except, it seemed, for Aurou, who Eren was beginning to feel serious negative emotions for, "Ah, that's why he looks so stupid! So disgusting, those street-rats, sucking off the stomach of society like a leech. They intrude on own territory, eat our food, and don't give anything for it!" 

 

Eren personally thought such a person like Aurou was more of a parasite and disgusting, and he said as much, angrily. If his hands were free, he would've punched him into a chunk of flesh. Levi held his arm lightly, a warning, but he was also curiously stiff.

 

"Aurou, would you shut up? Don't talk again, ever," Petra added, with venom in her pleasant voice, after Eren had finished.

 

"It's fine, Petra," Aurou looked confused, but Eren was mostly focusing on Levi. How dare he say something like that! Did he care so little about Eren and how he lived. Levi caught his eye, seemed to realize what he said, and shook his head, "I mean, not for the brat. You should apologize Aurou."

 

Eren wasn't sure on what the hell was going on, but luckily the rest of the group was just as confused as him, except for Petra. Aurou apologized, albeit glancing at Levi strangely as he said it, and without any real inflection. Petra noticed Eren's expression and mouthed something. He had always been bad at that, so he didn't know what she said, but he nodded anyways.

 

"But brat," Levi addressed him, a touch of pride in his eyes, "If you'd use half as much anger on the titans, maybe we'd win this thing." The rest of the group laughed, and the strange tension was broken.

 

He felt almost awkward, although he wasn't sure if you could entirely call it that, and he looked around the room to distract himself from the group's amusement. Many were ignoring them, but in the corner there was a group of three, a woman with mussed tied up hair, a thick blonde man who could been considered handsome, and another blonde, mustached man. He had a feeling he'd seen the thicker blonde before, like he was famous, but he couldn't place him.

 

Levi noticed where he was looking and his gaze hardened. He lifted an eyebrow in apparent challenge and the man chuckled in return. Eren could see the tremor of his shoulders and the slight mirth in his eyes, and he nudged the woman next to him. He murmured something in her ear, for she flew up and began charging over. The group, who had been facing Levi, now turned when hearing the commotion, and turned back, fear apparent in their eyes. Petra whispered, "It's Hanji," and Erd added "Shit. Everybody scram." The group fled, sneaking back to their previous table. They passed Hanji warily, but she didn't notice them, too busy running to where Levi and Eren were. 

 

"Levi," she drew the end note out loudly, "how did it go?" It was loud enough the entire room heard it. Some people even begin to chuckle, stopping when Levi glared with a ferocious intensity. He couldn't stop the blonde man's though, whose grin grew wider, nearing cruel. It was a strange look on such a handsome and charismatic face.

 

"Calm down, Hanji. You make it sound like I made the brat my ho." The woman bounced up and down excitedly, making her quickly loosening hair flail around. "Did you? Did you?" Eren understood why the squad was so scared. The woman behaved like she was slightly deranged. She suddenly jumped at him, baring a disturbing face, bringing them closer with a pull on his arms. Maybe not so slightly.

 

Levi pulled back from the two of them, wrinkling his nose again. He felt betrayed, but couldn't blame him all too much; the musk and odor coming from her was astounding. She didn't seem to bathe much, if at all. The grease in her hair, now he was closer, seemed to set it in crinkled lines.  He swore he could see some insects crawling through the matt. He tried to draw back, but the woman was strong. Maybe even more so than Levi. She spoke to Eren, her face right in his, and her breath stank, "Aren't you a cutie?" she crooned. She looked to Levi and maneuvered Eren around to face him. Normally Eren would've been fighting by now, but he was so overpowered by this thing he couldn't find a fragment of his reliable mixture of anger and idiotic courage. It was unsettling, but not as unsettling as the woman was. "Isn't he a cutie?"

 

"Adorable," Levi's voice was as dry as he'd ever heard it. It was a desert. There was nothing there. It still embarrassed Eren, but it mostly hurt his manly pride. This guy was his enemy, and he was being flayed out on a stake by someone he'd never met. It was infuriating, but a warning look from Levi told him he'd be facing more than an abused stomach if he hurt her. He actually seemed to care for the weirdo in some strange way. Eren shrugged it off. The woman wasn't that bad, she was just creepy.

 

Hanji ran a finger down his cheek, "Ah, he's blushing. Look at him," half the room swiveled to try and see his face. His face burned, not because of Levi, but because of everyone else's attention. He jerked away when she said it, right by his ear and still loud enough everyone in the room could hear it. He tried to cover his ears, but ended up jerking his hands painfully because they were still locked behind his back.

 

Levi noticed, and thankfully now decided to do something about his predicament, stepping forward and disentangling him from Hanji and a quick shove to her chest, "Give the kid a break, Hanji. He's not used to you like the rest of us," this drew a laugh from the people silent during the rest of the ordeal, including Levi's squad. Her eyes widened, and for a second Eren believed she was offended, before she began spewing apologies. Eren didn't really want Levi's help, but at the same time he was grateful. So he ignored him, and infuriatingly he thought Levi understood his feelings perfectly at that moment. He didn't want him to sympathetic and empathetic, or any of those "pathetic" words, because it made Eren himself feel pathetic. 

 

So he decided to glare at him, forgoing ignoring as he grew angrier. Levi remained the unemotional piece of stone he seemed to have perfected. He cut through Hanji's apologies with a cool, "He gets it," and Hanji, her eyes widening comically again, began apologizing for apologizing. Levi began to look more murderous than usual. Finally, Levi just took his hand and placed it on her mouth. He removed it a moment later, with a curse and a glare, because she had evidently licked it. He slid the hand on her shirt, displaying the disgusting look Eren was so familiar with. Hanji only laughed; she either didn't care or such an occurrence had happened many times before.

 

It seemed Hanji too was a thing to get used to, like stepping outside on a very bright day, she took some intensive swearing and a lot of blinking to get adjusted. Eren was just glad the sun wasn't currently directed at him. He could deal with a lot of situations, but here he was out of his comfort zone. Of course, because he thought that, she noticed him again, "What are you going to do with him, Levi?" 

 

Levi froze. After a few moments however, he shook his head, "What am I planning to do with him? I don't fucking know, Hanji. Maybe let him go! That's what you should expect me to do. He's a teenage boy, Hanji, not a toy," he was angry, surprisingly, "Erwin's been poisoning your mind. Perhaps you should ask him what he wants me to do. It was his stupid, damn idea in the first place, damn him!" Levi looked directly at the large, blonde man, who Eren took to be Erwin.

 

Hanji tried to talk to him, "Levi, calm down. It won't solve anything to get angry like this."

 

"He treats other people's lives like a joke. I need to talk to him."

 

"Damn it, why did I remind you," Hanji lifted a palm to her forehead, looking tired.

 

"Thanks Hanji. I'll see you later," Levi sneered sarcastically.

 

Hanji tried to follow him, "Why are you being like this? It was a joke, Levi."

 

"A joke that probably destroyed this boy's life," he shook his head, not listening to anything Hanji said. He grabbed Eren's arm tightly and mowed past Hanji. Eren tried to ask him to wait, but Levi wasn't having any of it. "You're being ridiculous," Hanji threw up her hands.

 

"You are the ones who are ridiculous," Eren found it surprising the two had changed so quickly, but it seemed Erwin was a touchy subject at the moment. He didn't know why, and Levi wasn't going to explain any time soon.

 

"Can you fucking slow down," Eren managed to yelp. Levi kept at his power walk, and he tried to keep up. For such a short man, he had an incredibly long stride. He finally stopped at the squad's table. "Watch him for me," he muttered, before speeding off to where Erwin was waiting, his smile still held in place.

 

Erd gently took his arm, a contrast from the harsh way Levi held it. Eren was sure Levi was trying to add to his collection of bruises. Erd led him to an open seat, near Aurou, which Eren wasn't surprised about. The man was insufferable. To the ass' right was Petra, was he wasn't surprised about as well. He seemed infatuated with her to the extreme. In front of them were Erd and the woodpecker respectively, and no one to his left or Petra's right, as both were on the end.

 

To Erd's right, and straight in front of Eren, was a pretty woman with short hair, who acknowledged him with a cool nod. He repeated the gesture, nervously. She had eyes that seemed to see through his very soul. He didn't recognize her at all, and the awkward silence that fell over the six of them was enough to make him squirm. 

 

The woman broke it, "Well, I don't know what Levi has said about any of us, and I don't particularly care if he's said anything at all. Now, I don't know where you're from, and I don't think it matters. You're here now. And what you need is to know everybody, and I don't think you do. So I'm going to fix that. I'm Nanaba. This guy next to me is Erd, and the guy next to him is Gunther," Eren finally knew the woodpecker's name, "And, beside you, Aurou, and next to him, Petra," Petra gave a little wave and smile, Aurou an unidentifiable noise.

 

"Sorry, he probably didn't introduce you guys. He's that kind of person," she looked over to the approximate location of Levi, but Eren didn't want to turn around now. The group made him nervous. It wasn't they were more skilled than him, although that was true, it was more of they all cared about Levi. And they all seemed like good people, except for Aurou, and Eren just didn't want to see such a side of his victim. He didn't want to know the person had people who cared about them and who they cared about. It hard to remind himself of all his reasons when he saw Petra's soft smile and the gentle aura Erd had around him.

 

But he didn't make the mistake to underestimate these people. They were killers, and if he hurt Levi they would kill him. All of them. The Survey Corps had a fire to them Eren himself identified with, although he had began to feel it wane as he'd seen five years pass and no progress towards Sina. These people had life inside of them, hope, and Eren wished he could say the same about himself. But the world seemed so hopeless when you thought of the monsters inside of the walls instead of outside of it. Because even if they killed all of titans, what did they have left? They would have the same cruel people, the same beasts who killed his mother. What was there to fight for, really, if you were fighting for such people?Fighting against them brought no happiness either, for there was always more, always more coming. It made the world seem so cruel, to know either choice was a poor one. 

 

He looked at the children on the streets, starving to death right in front of people's eyes, and he looked at the bags of fat from Sina, and he could feel little more than hopelessness and disgust at the human race.

 

Petra was looking at him strangely. He must've missed a question. "Sorry," he tried. She repeated, sounding slightly irritated, "You know ours. What's your name?"

 

"Oh. I'm Eren. Eren Jaeger," he always wished he could use his mother's maiden name, but he didn't know it, and it wasn't like he could ask anymore. Erd nodded in a friendly fashion, Gunther gave a grunt, Aurou ignored him, and Petra smiled, irritation forgotten.

 

Eren smiled uncomfortably. He wasn't very good at social events, but he tried to make an effort. Levi's squad seemed like good people, unlike the man himself. Most of his social events involved getting into a fight with someone or killing them.

 

In fact, until today, the only people he truly liked, aside from Mikasa and Armin, were two trainees from the military, a freckled guy named Marco, and a big guy named Reiner. Both were really nice, although Marco hung around Jean way too much. He even visited his family with him once, which Eren thought was strange but had never asked about. Reiner was just cool, a very chill type of person. He had a good friend named Bertolt, who Eren had met but still didn't know anything about.

 

Well, everyone except Aurou. There was a special place for someone like that. Perhaps, to lighten his mood later, he'd imagine him pierced at the ankles and roasted over a fire like a pig.

 

"Eren, are you okay," Eren must've been zoning out, because Petra's worried face awoke him, past Aurou eating like a pig. Eren realized he was still smiling, and tried to school his expression. "Sorry," he tried to make up for his obvious lack of listening.

 

"Don't be so stupid around Levi, you idiot. He shouldn't have to deal with someone like you," somehow, while he was talking, he managed to bite his tongue, blood spurting out onto the table. Petra shook her head, no one else reacted. He began to curse. He watched with equal measure disgust and confusion as the man pulled out a napkin, one like Levi's, and began to dab at his bloody mouth. His voice was distorted, but he managed a, "I bit my tongue, dammit," before leaving the hall, presumably to get something to stanch the surprising amount of blood flowing from his mouth.

 

After he left, Petra moved closer to Eren, to the seat Aurou had inhabited, "I'm sorry about him. He's just…" She gestured hopelessly. Eren nodded. Being around Petra was relaxing; it was nothing like being around Levi. He seemed to live to put Eren on the edge. Eren did actually believe he didn't kill innocent people, and Petra seemed to be one like such. He planned never to hurt her. But he had to, truly. He had to kill Levi, and he had to get home. If only Levi hadn't been the person in that letter, or Eren wouldn't have wanted to kill him, only because Petra seemed to care highly for him. He had to have worth, because she thought so.

 

"Eren, how do you feel about Levi? I mean, he rescued you, right? From the streets," she had the wrong idea, but it wasn't as if he could tell her such. He wasn't sure how she, or the rest of the group, had gotten that idea, considering he was handcuffed. She noticed him look down to his arms, for she nodded to them, "The military police make you wear those? It must be hard, but rules are rules, and you'll get rid of them while you train." 

 

She leaned forward and her voice dropped to a whisper, and Eren, naturally, leaned forwards as well, "You know, Levi, He was… Well, he was like you. He lived on the streets too. He must've had it really rough, perhaps as hard as you did, but he got captured. They sent him here, I don't really know the details. It was a little before my time. But he became the best soldier we've ever had. Everyone looks up to him, even though some of them know of his birth. No matter what Aurou, or everyone, says, Levi did it, and I think you can too. Don't ever give up," A fierce light glinted in her eyes, and Eren could see now why she was on Levi's team. Out of everyone, betraying Petra really would be the hardest. She believed in him. She fucking believed in him. And such a feeling, to take it, to crush it, would be one of the hardest things he'd ever do.

 

She cared so much for Levi she was willing to see some good in Eren. Very people were, for most saw him as the parasite they wanted him to be. That someone he had just met had decided to put her trust in him made his heart hurt when he thought of her hurt she'd be when she found out he was the one who would kill Levi. He replied with a weak mumble and looked elsewhere, anywhere but her. She must've just taken it as embarrassment, for she moved away, back to her own seat. He was glad. She stood and spoke to the entire group, "Aurou will be forever if I don't find him. He'll probably forget where the bandages are. Again," she smiled down at Eren. "I'm going to find him and stop him from being him from being stupid," he heard her mutter to herself, "That will be as hard as killing all the titans," as she left.

 

The other two were much quieter, and there was an extended time period spent in silence. Eren watched them eat, his hands still behind his back. He turned around, finally, because it was getting a little creepy just watching them eat.

 

He heard Nanaba start a conversation with Erd about 3-D techniques. Petra had mentioned training, and he should've probably been listening because of his own meager skills. Wait… Where did the gear he was wearing go? He was wearing it when he went to sleep. He shifted his gaze to Levi, whose face was slowly reddening as he argued heatedly with Erwin. He must've gotten it off somehow, but Eren didn't see it in the room. That little midget bastard. He'd have a punch prepared for him the next time they were alone. 

 

Hanji had drifted over there as well, watching fitfully. Erwin didn't seem fazed, but the rest of them, Hanji, the other blonde, and Levi were all displaying some sort of negative emotion. Both the blonde man and Hanji looked worried, Levi looked absolutely furious. Levi was gesturing at Erwin, but Erwin's eyes were right on Eren. He suppressed a shiver. He hoped they hadn't been there the entire time. The man scared him, maybe the only one except Mikasa that could. The way he looked at Eren, like he was a pawn, stimulated his nerves and adrenaline system. Except, instead of fighting, he felt more like fleeing in those eyes. It was a rare feeling, and one he didn't want to grow used to. He felt himself puff up like an angry or scared cat, prepared to begin a fight. There was, however, near the entire room between them, and no chance of that happening. Erwin looked away, and began to smile.

 

He said something to Levi, and the rest of threes' faces' whitened. Levi looked horrified, and Hanji stepped in to say something to say something. Erwin held up a placating hand, and finished his sentence glancing at Eren, although not meeting his eyes this time. It seemed hard, even for Levi, to school his face back to bored. The another blonde man laid a hand on Erwin's shoulder, but he shrugged it off with a cold glare. The man also said something, but Erwin shook his head, looking at Levi.

 

No one but Erwin was seated, but he seemed perfectly comfortable. Hanji and the man were originally against the wall, and they retreated back there again, their trysts to convince Erwin of something apparently over currently, and were both in Eren's direct line of sight, although neither had looked over to him while he watched, too absorbed in what Erwin was saying. Levi and Erwin were in profile currently, although Erwin turned his head often to watch him. Levi wouldn't look at him at all.

 

Erwin murmured something, and Hanji's eyes widened in anger. She banged a fist against his table. He just looked up at her, no change in expression. The rest of room, who had been trying very hard to ignore their commanding officers, all jumped, except for Eren who had been watching. A doe-like blonde man at the table closest to the explosive four winced. Eren felt for him. Hanji began shrilling, "Seriously, Erwin? How could you say that! Maybe Levi was right," she continued along the same line until the doe-like man stood and walked to her, trying to calm her down. She seemed to know him, and paused for a second, before continuing her tirade. Loudly. If no one had known Levi and Erwin were arguing before, they knew now. The man finally took Hanji by the arm and led her outside, still angry. She seemed to know Erwin wouldn't change his mind or apologize, but she still seemed offended at him. Perhaps she wanted to complain. Eren doubted she could've been led away if she didn't want to go. She seemed comfortable with the man, so he might be able to calm her down. He heard her voice fade away slowly. 

 

The blonde man with a mustache seemed just as angry, although quieter about it. He leaned down to Erwin's ear, and Erwin's eyes narrowed. He reprimanded him, and moved away, his eyes cold, watching Eren.

 

Levi still wouldn't look at him. Levi murmured something to Erwin and began to move towards him. Eren found himself frozen in place, for Levi was really fucking angry. He was absolutely enraged. It wasn't directed at him, but it was still more than awakening, seeing how scary he could be.

 

Levi grabbed his arm, and Eren couldn't even manage a protest. He dragged him away, and once outside, threw him against the wall, hard. He landed painfully, skidding against the ground and gaining rubbing burns and slight cuts. His abused muscles screamed; it felt like hell. "What the hell are doing!" Eren yelled, a vein popping his neck. He needed to move and quickly, Levi was already advancing towards him. He had no warning and therefore no preparation, and he was worried he couldn't get up from the initial attack. 

 

He jammed his leg into the Levi's shin when he got close enough. He really was talented, but Eren couldn't really appreciate it currently, for he used the point of force to drive his falling knee into Eren's stomach. The Levi's knee contained all of Levi's weight at the moment, and it was also being pressed into his stomach, and he thought he was actually going to die, because, holy shit, it was painful.

 

Eren surely might've hurt his shin badly, but he showed no signs of being in pain. There was just that unnerving rage, which wasn't even directed at Eren. He'd done nothing wrong, and that's what he couldn't understand. Why was he doing this?

 

He rammed his head into Levi's chin, blood dripping from the wound he inflicted. He wasn't sure what kind of damage he had wrecked, but it was painful Levi sat back slightly, using his hand to stop the blood. Eren wasted no time; it was only a few seconds from his the blow to his stomach, but he launched himself with a roar at him, handcuffs and stomach be damned. He snarled like an animal, for, with Eren, rage was always drifting somewhere in his mind, ready to be used as a tool whenever necessary.

 

Levi shifted his weight slightly, prepared for his attack. He removed his hand, wiping his hand on the cobblestone floor and smearing the blood, and assumed a fighting stance. Eren knocked right into him, using his shoulder instead of his fist. Levi held his ground, and right at contact, drew his fist into a swift arch right into Eren's jaw. Eren went flying, but the initial contact to his right side must've incapacitated him slightly. 

 

In the mess of blood he spit as he tried to stand once more, his hair lapping across his face, he swore he could see white flecks that could've been his teeth. He gasped a wordless curse, all he could manage, and finally got himself upright. If he could've, he would've raised his fists. 

 

From what he could see behind his hair, unable to move it from his eyes, Levi limped slightly. His shin kick was harder than he let on. Blood dripped onto his clothes, from his uncovered chin. There were also patches of Eren's own blood on his fist and arms. He looked like hell. Eren probably didn't look any better.

 

Eren breathed heavily, through his nose. He tried to swallow down his nausea. "Fuck you," he swallowed, "Fuck you," he said much weaker. He wasn't in the best of shape physically, not just appearance wise. He was having trouble seeing. He almost began to laugh, because he was pathetic.

 

"Let's do this," he tried a savage grin. He almost didn't hear Petra's startled gasp. "Sorry, I mean, you guys, what happened?" she sounded really worried, and maybe Eren had to reconsider what he looked like.

 

She was shushed by a voice Eren had heard only through the din of the mess hall, "It's okay, Petra." It must've been Erwin. 

 

Levi snorted without humor, "Like hell it is. How long have you been out here? Did you want to see your little plan go as it was supposed to? I fucking did it Erwin, and he's never going to trust me again. Or you, for that matter. Are you happy now you got your power play? Does it make you feel better about yourself, that you were able make me do something like this?"

 

"This isn't the place for this," Erwin said, with a pointed glance at Petra and Eren. "You proved to me he's worth it, Levi. That's what I needed to know. I won't hurt him anymore, and you know it."

 

Levi turned away, and Eren heard Petra being escorted away with Erwin after a, "You both better see to those wounds. He got you pretty good on the chin, Levi," There was a curious infliction there, and Levi stiffened.

 

"I did what you wanted, Erwin. Leave us," he muttered. And he did. Eren wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch Levi or thank him, because he was confused on what he just transpired.

 

He saw Eren's expression, and started, "I suppose I need to tell you why. Erwin told me he'd kill you, send you to the military police if I didn't," he paused, and seemed reluctant to go on. Eren kept silent. He looked straight at Eren, finally, and held his eyes, "It was, after all, the method he used on me."

 

Eren still didn't know what to think, but he didn't doubt the cold-eyed Erwin would've  ordered such a thing, and he didn't doubt he'd actually send him as well. But he still had that anger and indignation from being attacked like that, bubbling at the surface. He wasn't even sure he could direct it at Levi if he had been trying to save him. It didn't mean he didn't say, with uttermost truth in his voice, "Fuck you."

 

Levi nodded like he'd been expecting as much, "Do you hate me now?" he asked.

 

Eren looked away, "No. I mean, you were trying to save me. But I am fucking angry now, so, fuck you."

 

"You're such a brat," he actually smiled.

 

He was too busy trying not to fall over, being suddenly woozy, too reply. "You okay?"

 

In reply to his question, Eren threw up. "Gross," Levi looked disgusted for the countless time today.

 

And of course, Hanji and the mysterious man had just finished their walk or whatever they were doing, "Wow, did he just throw up?" Hanji asked.

 

Levi blinked a few times, "What do you think?"

 

"Moblit, look at this! There's some worms in here!" at this excitement, all her previous anger, at Erwin, seemed to vanish.

 

Levi looked horrified when Hanji pulled out a vial. "I was just producing some stuff, and I created this stuff that kills other stuff and such."

 

Levi held out a hand, "Holy fuck, that does not sound safe."

 

Hanji smiled, even though both Moblit and Levi looked terrified, "It will be fine," she nodded her head to her own words.

 

"He's not a titan, Hanji," Levi told her.

 

"So what? He can try it."

 

"He can die," he didn't seem able to get his point across, for Hanji took Eren's mouth and shoved the liquid into it. It tasted terrible, and Eren nearly gagged, too surprised to actually do so.

 

The liquid burned on the way down, and he grasped his agonized stomach futilely.

 

"Hanji, what the hell," Levi sounded disturbed as well as disgusted. Eren could see none of their faces, for he was looking down at his stomach, wondering what else could happen to it. Eren began to pale considerably, his stomach beginning to twist itself into knots, most likely from the medicine, if you could call it that.

 

"Now what he needs is some vigorous exercise," she clapped a hand to Eren's shoulder. He needed help from Moblit to get up, who was murmuring nothing words and patting his back encouragingly when he could finally stand. So, yes, he was in horrible shape.

 

"I think exercise is the last thing he needs," Levi emphasized.

 

Hanji ignored him or didn't hear him, "Can you take him to the training grounds for me, Levi? After the infirmary, of course. That jaw wound looks nasty." 

 

Levi gave her his most unimpressed look to date, "And why the fuck should I do that when the kid can barely stand?"

 

"He'll be fine," and then she left. Moblit left as well, trailing behind her vibrant frame, with an apologetic glance to them both. 

 

"Are you going to do what she said," Eren asked, teeth gritted. He didn't want to seem to weak, but it was becoming harder as the pain grew. 

 

"I guess so. Hanji's crazy, but if she tells you to do something, you better fucking do it." He looked worried though, most likely because he was on the verge of fainting. "We really do have to go to the infirmary though."

 

"Great," Eren's arms were grabbed by Levi again. He couldn't even tell where all his sources of pain were coming from anymore, it was his entire body.

 

The infirmary was near the entrance, because wounded soldiers coming back from campaigns often needed it quickly. Levi described it as a "long ass" way, and Eren wasn't sure whether he could do it, but it was pretty easy when Levi was supporting him and he was zoning out for most of it.

 

The medicine was doing strange things, like blurring and darkening his vision and fuzzing his mind. Eren wondered what the hell could've been in that thing, and felt appropriately afraid.

 

When the infirmary was reached, Levi set him on a bed, "Are you really okay? For one thing, you must be really feeling horrible, because you're not struggling." It was a weak attempt at humor if it was one. He seemed to want to relax him, "Let me look at your face," the hand that moved his jaw was gentle.

 

Eren soon understood why, because the medicine he was using stung like a bitch, "What the hell is that?" he jolted up, immediately regretting it.

 

"Rubbing alcohol," he poured out some more on a cotton ball. Eren was pretty far gone, and maybe his words were slurring together a little, but he wasn't that far gone, "Hell no. That's not going on my face again."

 

"It's going on your face, or I'm taking you to Hanji," Levi was deadly serious.

 

Eren laid back down to get his face worked on. Levi moved onto his handcuffs, looking from Eren's face to the handcuffs and back up again.

 

"Eren, I'm going to tell you the truth. There is no way you can overpower me now. I would to disinfect your wrist wounds. If you try to escape or kill me or some shit, you will just get more hurt. So, promise me, if I remove these, you won't do anything."

 

He watched Eren's face. What he was saying was true, although he was injured as well. But Eren didn't have a chance with Hanji's weird medicine in his body. He could barely move without help. His stomach felt like it was killing itself. He nodded.

 

Levi unlocked his handcuffs, still watching his face carefully. Eren punched him, ignoring the fiery ripples of pain it sent across his wrist, but did nothing more. Levi shook his head, but knowing how injured he was, did nothing to punish him.

 

He worked quietly, the only sounds Eren's hisses of pain and curses. After he was done with the wrists, he still didn't return the handcuffs. Eren sent him a questioning look, but he only shrugged.

 

Eren got the message; he wasn't going anywhere the way he was now. The side of his face was only bruised, so the man got some sort of salve and began to dab lightly.

 

Something occurred to Eren, "Where is Aurou? Wasn't he supposed to be here?" 

 

"How would I know, brat? He probably went outside somewhere, maybe for a new uniform or some shit."

 

Eren was envious. He wasn't going to see the outside, unless from the open training grounds in the middle of the Corps building, for a long time.

 

"Oh," and their conversation was exhausted. 

 

A tendril of hot pain snaked though Eren's intestines, and he whimpered, fingers biting into palm.

 

"Don't throw up again. Or die. Both would be problematic," Levi warned.

 

"I don't think I get a choice, honestly," Eren tried to say. It came out with far more pained whines than he would have liked.

 

Levi moved back, arms raised in a defensive gesture. "You fight titans, but you're afraid of vomit?" Eren choked a laugh.

 

"You poor, misguided brat. I see people vomit all the time. Comes with the job. But it's the worms," he shuddered, "I fucking hate those things."

 

Eren was surprised. He had a don't see, don't care kind of feeling about parasites, and besides they reminded him of humans anyways. He said as much, bitterness inflicted in his voice.

 

"Humans aren't so apparent. And they don't usually look so disgusting," he muttered.

 

Eren knew Levi had lived on the street because of what Petra said, but he didn't believe it until then. No rich brat would know what worms looked like, unless their parents were doctors or some shit. Even then, you really had to get close to someone, know them personally, or have them yourself to know what it was really like. And the way Levi talked, he knew what it was like. Perhaps he would believe Petra after all.

 

It really did seem impressive Levi had climbed so far from Eren's own level, even nearing impossible. To kill him wouldn't be hard, it would be impossible. He had worked so hard to get to this point, and for Eren to destroy everything he worked for, and take his life because of a few thousand gold seemed cowardly and weak.

 

Levi finished quickly with his own wounds, paying far less attention to them, before motioning for Eren to get up. He was grateful for his arm's lack of abuse, but also found it hard to stay upright.

 

"This is such a bad idea. Why'd Hanji suggest it again? Why does she do this to me?" He seemed worried.

 

"Why do you care so fucking much anyway?" It was a question that had been plaguing him, ever since they'd first met yesterday.

 

"You remind me of me," after that statement, he took Eren's shoulder and brought his body against Levi's own. He was muscular and cool to the touch. It was like leaning against a rock. "You're homo," Eren murmured.

 

"Nothing wrong with that," he stated.

 

"Right." And Eren didn't believe there was anything wrong with it. But Levi needed a contrary word said to him once in a while. It seemed no one else would do it.

 

"Yes," Levi finished, and moved on, "We're not going to do anything too difficult, okay? I don't want you dying or some shit like that."

 

"Don't treat me like a kid," he would've had a better reply, but the medicine had moved on to make him drowsy and incapable of thinking straight. Levi said nothing in reply, but smiled as if in an inside joke.

 

They hit the training grounds with pain, at least on Eren's part. It had been a long walk. It was then Eren realized he still didn't have his handcuffs on, and it was also then he remembered he still had no idea where that 3-D maneuver gear had gone. He asked Levi where it had gone, in less kind terms.

 

"Oh, that. It's still in the room. But it's not in very good condition. I'm not sure how well it actually works," Levi gestured to a door on one of the ends of the grounds. "That storage area holds much better ones."

 

Eren wondered why Levi would bother telling such a thing to him, seeing as he could barely tell what the gear looked like, "Am I going to be using those, then?"

 

"Eventually. I wouldn't want you wearing them right now, but maybe in the next few days we'll get you fitted for the belts and you'll be ready, to an extent, to go."

 

"Why the extent?" Eren hadn't tried to use the gear before, that much was true, but, "How hard can it be?"

 

Levi launched into a short explanation with no inflection; he'd evidently heard it many times before, "3-D gear requires nearly every muscle to be working very hard. It is extremely taxing to just barely dance in the air. Or, so they teach you in training school. I'm sure you'll be fine, because you seem to be fit from all the endurance you need for assassination missions, but I don't know every detail of your physical life, and nor do I want to."

 

"So, what the hell are we doing now?" Eren couldn't see the point to standing out here, close to fainting and his stomach deciding to abandon ship, if they weren't going to do anything.

 

"Teaching you the basics. How you have to move, and such."

 

"I'm not moving."

 

"You will be," Levi sighed, obviously fed up with Eren's bullshit. "You really are a brat, you know that, don't you."

 

"You've fucking told me maybe a hundred times!"

 

"Maybe you need to hear it," Levi took one of Eren's arms, "because you are one."

 

"What kind of gear exercise is this?" Eren said, as Levi slowly began stretching Eren's muscle, guiding them lightly, teasing them farther and farther.

 

"My exercises. And if you don't like them, then you can go hang out with Shadis. I'm sure he'll welcome a new student. Well, by making you run until your legs drop off, that is."

 

Eren didn't know who Shadis was, but he guessed he didn't want to be acquainted with his form of training by Levi's inflection. "Did you have him?"

 

He felt a faint reverberation near his ear and guessed Levi had shook his head, because he said, "Some people I know did. They had some painful tales to tell. He once made them climb a mountain in the middle of winter. As to why, I'm not sure, because not even the most hardcore of the Survey Corps go anywhere near the tops of mountains in winter."

 

"Sounds hard."

 

Levi gave a grunt in return and returned to what ever he was doing with Eren's body. If only Eren didn't feel like shit, it would've been a perfect opportunity. "How are you feeling?" he said carefully.

 

"Fine," was the short reply, "Why?"

 

Eren bent his leg forward, prepared to fling him over his shoulder. His stomach had other ideas, "Shit!" he cursed.

 

"What? You wanted to take me on again, and you couldn't because you feel like shit."

 

Eren bit his lip in something he would deny as a pout, "Hell no. Of course not. What kind of a person do you think I am."

 

Levi actually laughed, and he almost felt like laughing with him. They continued the strange exercises, moving Eren's legs, arms, neck, and back in silence until Levi said it was time to go in. It had relaxed nearly every muscle in his body, and helped to alleviate the aches he still had from yesterday. It had been nearly two hours, and Levi said he had to do paperwork, "Just sit quietly, please," he pressed.

 

Eren felt pretty good; the medicine had slowly stopped its burn. Perhaps Hanji had been right after all, he had needed exercise. He was almost ready to begin a fight with Levi again, but as they were leaving, he snapped the handcuffs back on.

 

"Hey! Come on," Eren whined.

 

"You didn't actually think I'd let you walk around without handcuffs after everything I learned?" Levi watched his face with amusement, "Are your hands feeling better?"

 

They were, but Eren kept moving without a word to him. Levi only smiled slightly. "Brat," he empathized, lengthening his stride to match Eren's near running one. If he had been actually running, he probably would've gotten a kick to an ankle for trying to escape. 

 

As it was, Levi grabbed his collar, "Nice try." Eren had been walking the path he remembered getting back from the infirmary. Levi had said it was near the entrance after all.

 

"What?" Levi gave him a glare. Eren shook his head, "I wasn't doing anything."

 

"Sure," Eren took that moment to attack him, again. This time with a headbutt to the forehead, like he had gotten earlier that morning.

 

"You little shit!" he didn't even sound that angry.

 

"Your fault."

 

"The fuck it was."

 

And so they returned to the room, Levi keeping a close eye out for more attacks. There weren't any, and Eren retreated to the edge of the room as Levi quietly worked, watching his face furrow in concentration.

 

How was he going to do this? 

 

He couldn't stop thinking, now it was silent, this strange little man had, in a fucking strange way, saved his life. Twice. Once by deciding not to take it, which Eren wasn't sure counted, and twice by beating him up. Neither would endear him normally, but Levi and his squad had given him a chance. A chance to live a different life, to become like Levi. And that made him scared.

 

And so he watched him, and tried to stop his guilty thoughts from flooding in. Because there was no choice for him. Because he wouldn't do that to his friends, leave them like that. Because… All thoughts were wiped away as Levi caught his eye and fucking smiled. And that was that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happened. More stuff will happen. Eren's an idiot, they argue. Stuff.


	3. Guess what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin, erwin, more erwin (I'm in love with him don't judge)
> 
> I think he's hilarious (I laugh at my own jokes) but a little out of character. It doesn't really matter anyways, right? (it probably does)

"Those exercises. Who taught you to do them?" They were knee-deep into the six'o clock in the morning hour, and they were training. Apparently, Eren had fallen asleep last night without even getting chained to the wardrobe, but Levi, again, was awake when he awoke. He began to believe the man was always awake. Maybe sometimes he just pretended he was asleep.

Levi said they had to do something useful if they were both up, so he had led them to the training grounds.

"I developed them myself." Levi was doing the same thing to himself he did to Eren yesterday.

"Really? Why the fuck would you do that?"

Levi looked faintly disgusted. "Because, when you're landing on practically everything at potentially awkward angles, it's pretty fucking easy to break or injure something."

"Oh," Eren was never one for deep conversation. "So it helps then?"

"Yeah, of course. It stretches out all the muscles so they won't snap so easily."

"Maybe I should use them when I'm on my missions," Eren mused, more to himself than anything.

"Well, you're not fucking going back, if that's what you mean," Levi cracked something in his lower back.

"Of course I'm fucking going back!"

"No, you're really not, and don't even think of punching me," he had already caught Eren's fist.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"We're already back to that?"

"Well, I'm sorry! But you don't rule my life!"

"Holy Walls," Levi rubbed his face, "Why are you always like this?"

"Like fucking what? Don't direct me like that! I'll go back if I say I'm going back!" Eren knew he was kind of overreacting, but Levi had echoed one of his own fears. He needed to see Armin and Mikasa again, there wasn't any compromise on that. It had already been a day.

"Quiet, brat."

"Why do you always fucking call me that! I hate it! I hate you!" 

He'd stepped too far, and he knew it. He began to backtrack, "That's not-"

"Listen here," Levi grabbed his shirt. It was borrowed, one of Levi's. Eren felt embarrassed about that now, "I saved your fucking life, brat. And I'm going to call you that, because it's what you are, a stubborn, blind, brat who won't see anything but the things he wants to believe in!"

"That's not fucking true!" Surely it wasn't.

"You know it is. You don't want to see my side of things because you're afraid to. You're afraid if you do, you won't want to kill me anymore. Get over yourself! Why is so hard to accept something that's been given to you? I'm giving you a chance here, to kill the Survey Corps, to become a respectable person, and you just don't want to fucking take it! You're being ridiculous here!"

Levi had been emotional in Eren's presence before, but never had he seen his eyes blaze so bright. It looked like he was near crying, but that was surely impossible. But he had tripped a nerve for Eren as well, "A respectable person? Someone who ignores the plights of others for their own gain? Is that what I'd be then? Respectable? Give me a break!"

"You don't get it still? The Survey Corps give their lives in order to protect normal people, people like you. You should be more grateful!"

"Oh, and the Military Police keeps the peace. Oh, and the Garrison obviously helps protect the walls so everyone can be safe. Yeah, that's what they're supposed to do, but do they fucking do it? Oh course fucking not! I've never seen them do anything they're supposed to! Hell, back in Shingashina, all those Garrison bastards did was get drunk!"

Levi was suddenly quiet. "You… Were in Shingashina?"

Eren got defensive, "What's it to you?"

"You saw what the titans did?"

"From a distance, yeah."

"Your family, parents… They survived."

"For a few months, until the military killed them on that stupid fucking "Recon" mission." He didn't mention it was only his mother, realizing it would make the sentence more dramatic. Levi had to understand now, what he'd been through.

And he did, to an extent, for a small, "I'm sorry. But you should give us a chance. Still. The Corps didn't decide that mission to my knowledge," cascaded from his mouth. And to his credit, he did look slightly shamed.

"Did you think I was so angry for no reason?"

He smiled slightly, "I thought you just needed something to be angry about?"

Eren was incredulous, "You really think me a brat, don't you?" He became more serious, "Do you really think the Corps wouldn't, if they had gotten the choice, wouldn't have sent those people to die?"

Levi's silence was his answer. They'd both seen Erwin.

A week soon passed with Eren practicing every morning at the training grounds, waking up at ungodly hours. The grounds locked from the inside and was entirely enclosed with archways that others could watch from. The sandy enclosure seemed to have multiple uses, as he heard a group joke, "It's almost like having a titan in there again," as they passed by while he was training. Levi never used the handcuffs inside the area, mostly because Eren needed his hands there, and he also couldn't escape. The rest of the time, he had the locks of metal on his wrists, and he hated them with a burning fervor. He still slept on the floor, although Erwin had joked about getting a second bed and chaining him to that. Levi had kicked him in the shin, hard, and had muttered something about "teenager" and "gross". 

So both had continued their own of handling each other, Eren attacking Levi, either trying to kill him or escape, and Levi deflecting the attacks with ease and trying to get him to stop. Neither made any progress towards their end goals, remaining at a sort of stagnate point. Eren was beginning to get fed up.

After the period of silence, right after they had both arrived at the training ground on the last day of the week, with both beginning to work as Levi had explained a week before to, Eren finally said the thing on his mind for the past few days, the thought slowly growing until he just had to say it, "Why are we fucking doing the same exercises, the same activities, the same walldamned things every day? Isn't there some variety here?" Everything that came out of Eren's mouth seemed to have some sort of angry undertone. He sometimes imagined himself as a shaken bottle, like of one of those beers the drunks in Shingashina used to drink, and every time he talked he would spill a little anger out into the world. He continued to stretch though. He had learned to do it by himself while Levi similarly worked his own muscles.

"You're not ready," was his quick answer.

"Okay, so when will I be ready? I can't just sit here! If you're not going to let me go, at least don't torment me like this!"

Levi shook his head, "You think this is torment? I'm preparing you, brat, so you can be ready when you go out there for real. You need to learn when to take orders and when to take your own calls." Eren wasn't sure Levi even knew his name.

"Well, I'm making my own call, and I'm going to say I'm ready. You haven't even fitted me yet."

Levi's mouth moved, and he could've sworn he'd said something like, "I was going to wait until you trusted me," but he said louder, "Fine, we'll get your belts on. I'll contact Shadis and hopefully in a few days we'll get the machines that help your balance."

"You haven't asked him already?" Eren raised an eyebrow.

"I was busy."

"Doing paperwork."

"Yes, doing paperwork," Levi ran a hand along his undercut, "There's a lot to be done when you run a squad."

"I'm fucking sure," Eren wasn't particularly thrilled to begin 3-D training, but anything had to be better than this sitting around. No matter what he did, he couldn't manage to kill Levi and/or escape, and it was driving him crazy. He thought he'd tried everything, but the man evaded him overtime.

It must've been because he was so cautious. He wouldn't even let Eren take off his handcuffs to eat. Instead, Hanji fed him like a three year old child. Hanji, since Levi wouldn't do it and she was the only one who volunteered. When Aurou began to smirk, he thought he would actually combust from rage. He didn't, unfortunately. So he had to endure all of the Corps staring at him while Hanji crooned. The aftermath in Levi's room later had been violent, resulting in a black eye for Levi and a split lip for Eren. Their previous wounds hadn't healed yet either. So, both were a constant mess, although he believed he was often more worse for wear. Luckily, his worms were gone. Unluckily, Hanji had begun to believe she could test anything on him, and the only person who could save him was Levi. Most of the times, however, Levi just seemed more amused at Eren's predicament than anything else. He stepped in only when she seemed in danger of accidentally injuringly harming or killing him.

So both were in a constant danger of fighting, both physically and verbally. Levi, at first glance, didn't seem to have a temper, but on closer inspection, his temper could've matched Eren's. Levi's, however, was much drier and colder than Eren's fire. They got along well sometimes, but others they couldn't stop throwing insults. It was better than being with Jean, Eren couldn't help but muse, because Levi didn't really want to antagonize him. But sometimes their ideals were just too strangely different. Levi seemed to both respect and dislike authority in equal measure, and since Eren hated it with a passion, it often angered him Levi could show such respect for authority when it also seemed he shared some of Eren's beliefs, far more than if Levi had just bowed down to authority's will.

Levi seemed to think Eren immature, in constant danger of flaring up, and didn't trust him anymore than Eren did him. Perhaps it was why he found it so hard to trust Levi. He liked to chalk it up to Levi being an ass, making a fool of him, anything else Levi said or did, but the truth was Eren was afraid to trust anyone. Least of all someone he tried to kill. Though Levi had said he didn't want to kill Eren, that he wanted to give him a chance, it was difficult to believe in such a thing. How could he, watching the clean and innocent faces of those around him, set only in hard lines because they were fighting for those they loved, and watched those same people die, look at himself, dirty and bloody-handed he was. He couldn't believe he could ever be like them, even if Levi had done it. He wasn't Levi, and Levi wasn't him, no matter what shit he said about being reminded.

"Well, do it today then." Levi would, because he was responsible. In fact, near everyone he met was responsible, and it drove him crazy because, discounting Jean, Eren was the least responsible of all of them. He couldn't even do this job right. He shuttered to think what Mikasa and Armin thought of him now, probably thinking he was dead in a ditch somewhere, and he, though he thought of it often, always shoved it to the numbest part of his brain he could find. His chances of getting out, having not succeeded in seeing the outside in a week, were dwindling, falling down the metaphysical drain like soap mixed with water.

Eren really did want to leave, he didn't want to stay and become a sheep soon butchered in the Corps, but he was finding there was no choice. He either stayed, or he would be sent to the Military Police. Even though Levi seemed to believe he could convince Erwin otherwise, Eren was positive if he slipped up enough, and in front of Erwin, he would send him to his execution. 

It didn't help he watched them train. He had since after the day they beat each other up so badly. He would stand at a window, at the very top of the building, and just watch the two together. It was hard to see, of course, but he could catch the shine of his blonde hair against the darkest of the room, and the outline of a figure was prominent. However, he was positive it was him, for he smirked slightly when he saw him. It pissed Eren off, as it was wrought to, but something about the man stopped him from launching a well-placed kick into his muscular body. Levi was dangerous, yes, and Eren could truly say that from his skill in fighting and in his muscle mass he saw while stretching, but there was little fear he would hurt him severely on purpose, at least at their current state. Eren had tried to kill the man, and yet still he refused to kill him or hurt him badly.

But he sensed Erwin felt differently. He was the type of person who would do anything to further his goals, and he was scared, terrified, even, around him. It held him back from attacking him, hell, it held him back from talking to him. He was the real reason joining the Survey Corps was daunting. If he hadn't been the commander, Eren would've gained everyone's trust, even Levi, and slipped away the first mission he went on. They would never be able to catch him in the chaos that was the outer world, with all the titans abound. Perhaps, yes, it would be hard to escape from the titans, but the Corps went on horses. They seemed to be fast enough. He could find a way out, he was sure of it.

But Erwin, Erwin with his hunter eyes and smirk. Something told him he would never give up, that he'd drag him back to Levi, look at him in fake-pity as he told him the person he picked up was a failure, and cut his throat. Because Erwin didn't want deserters, he couldn't help but think as he saw the shadow through the window.

Maybe the picture he painted in his mind was a little extreme, but he was used to the worst in people. It wouldn't surprise him the leader of a military group that loses thirty percent of their troops every time they go on a mission would have some screws loose. Plus, he'd heard hushed whispers about the commander of the Corps. He was apparently so cold-hearted he'd sacrifice anyone and everyone to succeed at his goal. Even quieter, they'd question exactly what those goals were. Eren wasn't one to believe in rumors, but the imposing figure the man cut wasn't helping alleviate them.

Training was soon done. They did nothing important, as usual. Following the same events as the past week, they began to head to Levi's room, handcuffs clicked in place, as usual, and headed down the hallway. There was something unusual about the hallway, however, something to do with the fact that Erwin Smith was standing in the middle of this. This was not a natural occurrence, and Eren already began to feel the tell-tale sign of his scalp pricking, telling him, duly unneeded, he was afraid. 

"Levi," the large man greeted the much smaller one with a pleasant dip to his head, "I need to talk to…" there was a short pause where Erwin looked him over, as a butcher was wrought to do to a new calf, "Eren. Alone."

Levi had learned his name from Petra and the others the day after their big fight, after breakfast. The Survey Corps had a breakfast everyone had to attend, and then the higher ups, because it was expected they'd be working, could call in lunch and dinner. Eren had slept through both meals, because he had been up nearly all night the previous day, the day he had the big fight with Levi. He still, however, didn't get anymore food than anyone else, because the Corps were nothing if not stingy with their supplies. They got so little from the king's coiffures, they had to be. The group had introduced, awkwardly, Eren to Levi, even if they had known each other for two days, after it became clear Levi had no idea what his name was. He just kept using brat, and finally Petra said, "Do you know his name, sir?" and Levi just owned up to it. He kept using brat, from what Eren could tell, to spite him. He would tell him it was because he acted like one, but Eren didn't see him calling Aurou asshole, and he certainly acted like one.

All this ran through his head as Levi's gaze ran to him, flicking to his eyes as soon as Erwin had said it. Because Levi had responded to Erwin with, "Eren? You need to talk to him?" and asked Eren alone, "Is that okay?" and Eren had forgotten what to think about anymore, because his name had sounded natural, warm even, in Levi's normally monotone voice. He must've been imagining it, because who the hell added a warm tone to someone's name they surely disliked, even hated. They fought all the time, with Eren trying to escape, and surely that alone would make him hated, an annoyance. He was a brat to him, someone to talk care of, of course. There was nothing else he could feel. There was nothing to make him like him. And Eren didn't like him, no matter how skilled he was. His views were horrible, nearly cruel, he chained him up, he beat him up. It surely didn't matter all those things had a reason to be that way.

And so Eren, with that in mind, only muttered a, "Of course it's fucking okay," for why wouldn't it be to Levi okay? Why did he ask him in the first place, and he really shouldn't be having an epitome over it because it really wasn't that fucking big of a deal in the first place. But Levi was being warm, kind, to him, even if it was fake, Levi was saying his name and asking him whether something was okay, and it was strange because he thought, he knew, he hated the man but looking in front of him, into his eyes the strange color of charcoal he began to wonder whether he truly did. Because it was weird, how he was doing so much for him, it was weird, how he saved his life, it was weird how he'd sometimes touch Eren during training and he'd forget what he was doing at the moment, time zoning in on a hand on his back or wrist, and all these little things combined.

Eren's only thought was it was surely hormones making him act so strangely, because he couldn't forget such a little thing was nothing to Levi. He didn't know, what it was like to think he was captured, to think he could do nothing about his situation, that he was being led around like a dog and had to listen to every command, and to hear the words, "would that be okay?" Surely, he didn't know. So, Eren ignored it, and he put aside the phase, he ignored its existence, he straightened his back, and he went with Erwin, whose hand rested on an elbow, guiding him, Levi's gaze burning his back as he left him alone in the corridor.

Erwin pulled him into a simple room. There wasn't even a bed, just a desk. It had been unlocked before they got there, and he guessed it wasn't Erwin's. Erwin would never have been so careless.

Erwin answered his thoughts. Eren wasn't surprised. "This isn't my room, you know, but whoever's it is," Eren watched his eyes roam over the meager amount of papers on the desk, "should be more careful who they let into the room. After all, a less pleasant person than me could be seeking entrance to it."

Eren noticed he didn't mention him, and he began to feel more nervous than before. Not because he thought Erwin was going to murder him, but because the undertones, the way Erwin looked at him, spoke as though he knew something about him. And from connecting some dots together, Eren would guess he did. He did, after all, ask Levi to beat him up, if Levi's word could be trusted. He wouldn't have done so without some knowledge of the type of person he was, surely. If he hadn't been an assassin, a thug, he would've never asked.

But Eren didn't want Erwin to know about him. Because, in his world, knowledge was dangerous. It could get you killed. He didn't believe Levi had told him, not because of any large amount of trust between them both, but because Levi was smart. And Levi had been horrified at what he was forced to do. And Levi would've never let such a dangerous piece of information slip in that conversation. There was something he was missing.

"Did you ever wonder," Erwin was beginning to say, "where Aurou had gone that day?" Eren didn't ask for clarification on what day that was. There had only been one day he wasn't anywhere to be found, the day Levi and him had fought. He shook his head slowly. Yes, he had wondered, but he was positive anything Erwin had actively sought him out to say to him would be good news. In his defense, the man had asked him to be beaten up.

"You didn't? What a shame," his eyes were truly piercing, like Nanaba's, they seemed they could read his soul. He knew he was lying, he was sure of it, but he continued his story without pause, "I sent him to your little gang."

All of a sudden, Eren felt it hard to breathe. Erwin knew where his friends were. And, if they weren't already, knew where to hurt them. And he had no idea where he'd gotten the information. He was helpless against him; no amount of fighting would change the fact Erwin had taken his heart, the only people he really cared about in the entire world.

"Fuck you," he barely breathed. Erwin didn't seem disturbed, even laughing at his expression. "I didn't send him as a threat, Eren," he purred, drawing out his name. Eren barely paused, mostly because his rage was growing and his hearing was suffering because of it, but he heard it through the veil of anger, and he stopped.

"Why did you fucking send him then?" he wasn't in the mood for games. Unfortunately, it seemed Erwin's favorite pastime was toying.

"Why don't you try and answer that yourself, Eren? Surely you're a smart, good little boy?" he was shaking with anger and disgusted, but he couldn't bring himself to punch the grin off Erwin's face. He was scared; even his instincts were telling him not to do it. The response was so rare he knew he had to honor it. To attack him would ultimately fail, and both knew it. The bastard had all the time in the world to play around and find Eren's breaking point. Levi could be bad at times, but he was far, far worse, and far, far more terrifying.

And dammit, Eren couldn't believe he knew his secret. He knew where to find his loved ones. He mumbled a reply with no meaning. Erwin wouldn't listen to him no matter what he said.

"What was that?" he grinned, staring straightforward into his face. He resisted the urge to step back, glaring back determinedly. It was too bad his smile wasn't as bad as his personality seemed to be.

"I said you wanted to prove you could," he had said no such thing, but he figured whatever had come to his mind what suffice. Plus, it seemed to be something he'd do.

Erwin seemed surprised, his mask dancing for a brief second before falling rightfully back in place. "What if I told you you were right?" he pretended to be playful.

"Am I?" he didn't really feel like making small talk with such a piece of slime, but he figured playing to whatever Erwin wanted would make the end to it come much faster.

"No, but nice try."

Can I kill this bastard? Eren repeated his reasons to not stab the fuck out of him.

"Can you get to the fucking point?" perhaps it was more than slightly passive aggressive, but Eren's patience only lasted maybe a good fifteen seconds at tops and it was passing far more than a minute.

"No, you see, Eren, your lovely friend--"

It seemed the world willed Erwin to be interrupted right at this point, for Levi's voice dipped right into their conversation, asking whether Eren was done yet. In his icy depths, he looked frustrated, obviously planning to make a big reveal and to be very dramatic.

He did, however, step back and let Eren go on his not so merry way. With a grip on the arm and a whisper, he asked him to meet him later that night, saying only he'd pick him up.

If he was being honest, Eren would say he definitely didn't want to be picked up by the commander under normal circumstances, but he had a feeling, no, more than that, the commander wanted to tell him something really important. How he would manage to get Eren away from Levi's room and to a place where no one else was happened to be a mystery to him, but, after all, the man seemed to be a legend around these parts. If anyone could do it, it would be him. Or Levi, but Eren had a feeling he'd disagree with Erwin about this particular issue of letting him out of the room, at night, with only Erwin as company. He hoped he would because if not, Levi would truly have a very low opinion of assassin skills. Hopefully, the multiple injuries he'd inflicted on him would have proved him dangerous enough. Even though an underestimated enemy was far more dangerous than one being cautious of such a person, Eren still had his pride. Perhaps it would've been more expedient for Levi to think he was extremely weak, but he couldn't stand it for it was the case somehow. He wanted to show his worth to its full potential, even if it was for assassination.

Lost in his thoughts, Levi had already arrived and exchanged farewells with Erwin without his notice. By the time he came to, Erwin had already disappeared. Levi was watching with the expressionless face he always had, making it impossible to tell whether he had been standing there for a few seconds or a minute.

"Sorry," he muttered, receiving a quirk of the eyebrow and nothing else, his figure already brushing past before he had the chance to say anything.

To say anything about Erwin's strange conversation would come across as far too open than Eren would allow for himself, and Levi certainly wasn't asking, so both just walked in silence, their shadow's trailing each other.

Time and the day passed far too quickly for Eren's taste, the bitter tang of Erwin's visit later that night growing larger as it went. He wondered whether he would talk to Levi, although because of his reaction to Eren just conversing with the commander, he had a feeling Erwin would choose not to. The two seemed to respect each other, but they also seemed to have differing ideals. Eren doubted Levi would agree with whatever Erwin had planned. But he also could do nothing about it. Erwin was his boss and had an immense amount of power and influence. Eren doubted he could get him to do anything. Even if Erwin took him into his room and murdered him, Levi couldn't do a thing about it. So he was nervous; if the man who defeated him, albeit not quite so easily, bowed down to this man, exactly how powerful did he have to be? He controlled the entire Survey Corps practically by himself, after all.

Perhaps he was just reading both wrong. It was obvious Levi trusted Erwin, even if they seemed to disagree. So, why did it seem like there was anger sparking between the two? It wasn't like he could just ask. He would never get the answer. But that didn't even matter, for what did he care, the relationship of the two?

The point was, the only point that mattered, Levi would have no idea where Eren was, if he was right and Erwin wasn't going alarm him. It could prove to be detrimental to Eren's health when he returned to Levi's awake face. He didn't know Erwin well enough to know he'd cover for him. He would have hell if not. Levi would probably believe he escaped or something, and while Eren did want to escape, he sure as hell didn't want to come back afterwards. Levi might actually kill him.

Consumed with his thoughts, he didn't make very good company. He kept catching Levi glancing over and sighing. It irrationally irritated him far more than it should have. Today wasn't a good time to be fighting with him, and so he kept his mouth shut in fear of what Erwin would do to his friends if he messed up his plan with a fight. The eyes on his body made him frustrated by the end of the day, however, and all he wanted to do was ask Levi what the hell he wanted. It was obvious he wanted to know what Erwin said to him, after all, but he wouldn't say anything and it was driving him up the Wall.

Both Eren and Levi were, needless to say, in extremely foul moods by the time the curfew rolled around. Dancing around each all day, they spoke in little, chipped sentences that barely made the qualifications for a sentence.

Truthfully, it was harder than he made it out to be to keep calm the entire day, and he was chanting, "Don't blow up, don't blow up," under his breath when they reached Levi's door for the night. "For Armin and Mikasa."

Unfortunately, today was also the day Levi decided to be vocal, "What the hell's your problem? I can't tell whether you're just thinking, whether Erwin's said something, or whether I did something. It's been driving me crazy."

The hot tool he knew so well bubbled cheerfully inside him, like a welcome quest, he gratefully accepted it, "It's been driving you crazy? Well, no shit, it's been driving me crazy too. What the hell, just looking at me all day! Is it so hard to just say one fucking thing! Do you know how frustrating it is?"

"I've been looking at you all day! Well, newsflash, so have you, at me," he gestured over in one of his rare uses of body language.

"No I haven't!" was he? He didn't notice, so caught up in thinking about tonight. Was he unconsciously looking at one of the objects of his musings? Fuck.

"Uh, yes, you were, and it was fucking pissing me off,"

"Same for me!"

"Well, good, that's makes both of us,"

In their tempers, they forgot the door was still open, and both were startled when Erwin's voice interrupted, "Levi, sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to take Eren out for a little bit."

Levi, truly, gave one of the most what the fuck faces Eren had ever seen. Eren, for his part, had severely misevaluated Erwin.

"Erwin, what the actual hell? Is he a fucking dog? How long have you been standing there?" Levi's thoughts darted quickly as he struggled to think, startled by his sudden appearance.

"I'm been here a while," he shrugged, uncaring, "You both were just too busy to notice."

"You fucking creep," he watched Erwin's face for any sign of relenting any information, before saying, "You're like forty. He looks like he's twelve. I don't think you should be doing that sort of thing."

"I do look like I'm twelve! I'm fifteen!"

"A three years difference!"

Erwin expertly stepped in between the two of them, holding his hands up in either direction.

He spoke to Levi, "It's not like that, Levi. We're just seeing something," his eyes, though, were fixed on Eren. He couldn't suppress the chills he got.

Levi noticed Erwin's look too, but, with a flicker of worry in his eyes, he closed himself off to the situation. If Erwin looked like this… He could do nothing against him if his mind was made up. Whatever he was planning, he certainly couldn't do anything except hope Eren wasn't dead by the end of it.

"You understand, don't you," it was nothing but a whisper, although all three heard it. Eren knew Erwin's message was for Levi, yet the sides of his stomach still played catch with the other end. Such a foreboding statement.

"Yes, I goddamn understand," he broke eye contact with both. Eren's heart sank. He believed Levi would fight for him, at least, even if he did hurt him on Erwin's orders, but that was for his own good, right? Was this the same as that? No, it surely wasn't. It couldn't be. This wasn't for his own good, Erwin was threatening him and Levi wasn't doing anything about it and it wasn't like he trusted him, but hell he kind of did because of all the time they spent together and those long practice hours and the way he said Eren's name and the way his eyes lit up when he talked to Petra and the squad and how he looked ten years younger and all those things made him so utterly unhateable that Eren only hated him more and fought and fought with him, gave him black eyes and hoped he wouldn't notice the extra looks he sent his way.

And such things he tried to hide in the very black of his soul because he was an assassin and male and this was his victim, also male, who had no real redeemable traits except maybe his laugh and his voice and the way he acted so gruffly kind to the people he cared about he seemed to be everyone except Eren himself.

But push those thoughts away, why'd he have to think of them now, because he was going to see Armin and Mikasa and he prayed to all those nonexistent gods they were still safe and not dead somewhere because of Erwin's plotting.

Erwin seemed to think his mental flood funny, for with a chuckle he asked him whether he was alright, ushering him towards the door. Eren wasn't ready, he didn't think, daring one more glance at Levi, who still didn't look at him. He considered the possibility it could be a trap to kill him cleanly because he was too troublesome to the Corps to keep and wondered whether this would be the last time he'd see that person he wasn't sure whether to hate.

\------

 

One could wonder how quickly Erwin managed to walk to the slums with a mere fifteen minters from the heart of town, but Eren knew the truth. It was by walking really fucking fast, and he was dragged along right with him. He contemplated whether the man was insane and gathered he probably was. Who the hell power-walked that quickly? Why wouldn't you just run if you ere already moving at that speed?

He understood it was probably for him or some shit like that, but he was an assassin, not an accountant. He was (supposed to be) physically fit and active. He could manage a run for that amount of time.

But no, they did the Erwin power walk and made record time. Eren would deny puffing out of breath and resting his hands on his knees to get it back. He would also deny Erwin looking like he had been sitting for the entire time, not breaking a sweat. Neither of those happened. Probably.

"Just out of curiosity, but why didn't you send someone else to go with me? Like Aurou or someone?" It would've been easier to escape, but he wasn't going to tell him that. But there was no way in hell he was going to try and escape when he was panting like a dog and Erwin-fucking-Smith looked like he just came back from sipping a cool drink on a veranda. He would actually make it a good six seconds before he got captured, if he was lucky. It would probably be more like two.

"I want to see them too," he thought that was a strange answer, but who was he to judge, because it was Erwin-fucking-Smith.

Who was he kidding, "What the fuck is that?"

"Mind your language," he even tutted, "I know someone."

"Why are you being so damn vague? Can you not play games for once in your life?"

"Isn't someone getting a little rebellious? And I don't play games all the time," Eren managed a incredulous look, Erwin continued and ignored it, "but I have a feeling you wouldn't believe me until you saw the person in question so there's really no point to us arguing the good minute until we get there, you see?"

"Then why'd you say it?"

"Because you asked."

"Then fucking answer it if I asked."

At this point Erwin just rubbed his face and sighed, not making another noise until they approached the small shack Eren knew well. To call it a shack would be generous. It was more like a leaning structure with shit pilled around it to form the walls.

"You bicker with Levi all the time."

It was so out of the blue, Eren had trouble processing what he was saying, "Why?"

"Why did I ask, you mean? It's just, I've never seen him get that emotional with someone else before, when you were in his room. You must be truly special." With such words, he shimmied open the door and stepped inside, leaving it slightly cracked so Eren could get through as well, although as a power play it was left just so, that he could either just step through without cracking it anymore and risk bumping it, or open it more and watch Erwin's stupid face calcite him.

Fuck that door. Fuck Erwin's words. What he just said. Because it surely wasn't true and what did it even mean in the first place and goddammit he's worried about his friends and whether Erwin was going to kill them all with a hidden, polished because it's Erwin, blade or whether he was going to watch them like they were bugs he found under his shoe and he really didn't need that. Because who cares. He didn't care about Levi at all, not the way he looked so strangely vulnerable when he cleaned Eren's and his wounds nor about that past he kept hinting about nor his muscles when he saw them when they were working out together. He didn't care. He had no feelings. He was assassin, cold-blooded, a murderer. Not a school-girl so easily overthrown by Erwin's words and the way he made him think about Levi. Because Erwin was wrong, he had to be. He didn't understand why he had to keep dropping such sayings, or he didn't even know whether he was just reading them wrong. Why would Erwin say such things such as that?

Eren slammed open the door; fuck power plays. He was done with reading people's patterns. Two people looked up when they heard it, the only two people Eren truly cared about, and euphoria filled him as he realized how much he'd missed them for the past week.

But it wasn't Eren's name on one of their lips. "Erwin?" Armin's voice sounded quiet, hurt, as he looked over the older man.

"Armin?" Eren couldn't keep the incredulity away from the name. "How do you know Erwin?"

"Just a little chance meeting a few weeks ago," Erwin butted in.

"I wasn't asking you. Armin," the boy's gaze was helpless as he stared back into his friend's eyes.

"Eren, I'm so sorry," he looked torn up, near broken.

Mikasa was snapping her eyes back between the two of them and glaring suspiciously at the imposer, Erwin. She obviously didn't know anything. Then what did Armin have to do with it?

"What is it?" the lead pit in his stomach was back again.

"I think…" he stopped, tears flooding his eyes, unfailing, making them beacons of bluish light, "I think I caused this entire thing."

"Armin, I'm sorry, but what the hell do you mean?"

Blonde hair danced across his forehead as he turned to Erwin. "Please explain," unlike when he faced Eren, his face was set, clear, determined, although still worried.

"Alright, I'll start from the beginning-"

Mikasa's drew the attention of the group, "I'm truly sorry to interrupt, but can you explain to me what that midget is doing in our entranceway? I know the blonde came with Eren, but who the hell is this guy?"

Midget? Eren's mind didn't quite comprehend.

"I'm not that short." It was around this point Eren reached several conclusions. That was Levi's voice, one. Two, Levi was in his house. Three, Levi got here, likely by following him and Erwin. Four, Levi cared enough about him to follow him and Erwin on Erwin's power walking from hell. Five, Erwin probably knew Levi well enough he knew he'd follow him, and that's why he did the power walk from hell. Six, Levi was still in his house, his dirty and rundown little shack whose smell could've burned away your nose's nerves if you weren't careful. That was just about it, really.

Without thinking, he replied, "No, you're much shorter," and immediately got a kick in the stomach. He had realized early on Levi hated jokes on his height more than any other. He made sure to get one in at least once a day. He always received a punch or a kick for it.

This one left his gasping, even though it was one of the lighter ones. From his position on the floor, he had a pristine view of Mikasa's murderous face as she beheld Levi.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, hurting Eren like that. I'll rip out your spleen and use it as bait for titans," her eyes were dead, and the room temperature dropped fifty degrees.

Amazingly, Levi was unfazed. "Maybe your brother here shouldn't make jokes about my height then."

It was then, perhaps, Levi earned the undying hatred of Mikasa Ackerman.

Erwin broke it up, as usual, "Alright everybody. Calm down. Levi's probably here for a good reason."

Levi caught Eren's eye awkwardly before looking away. 

"And I expect him to give that reason as this is a private gathering to which he wasn't invited."

"Erwin, you weren't invited either," Armin pointed out.

The two exchanged glances, and Eren pulled himself off the floor to hear Levi's excuse.

He looked increasingly awkward as all 4 pairs of eyes eventually found themselves on him, but since his expressions generally didn't change, Eren doubted anyone but him and Erwin could tell. Erwin was smirking a little though, and Levi spared a pissed glance before starting.

"I was worried about the fucking brat. Erwin was being way too wishy-washy and I decided I needed to make sure he was going to be okay. Ha ha, the assassin victim is worried about the assassin. Laugh all you fucking want."

Needless to say, no one laughed. But there was another, far more unknown feeling blooming in Eren's gut. Akin to warm, carbonated bubbles, it seemed to spread to his bloodstream where, from there it went to his heart and face. Which was obviously why his heart had this strange leap and his face turned red. Pink. Just slightly.

Levi's eyes met his, and they exchanged eyebrow lifts, something Levi was quite good at but Eren sucked at, tending to lift both eyebrows and give him a surprised rather than bemused look and Eren couldn't help but think maybe this would turn out okay, this sort of weird relationship, even if they fought and Eren was supposed to kill him. Because he was with his friends, they were safe, and nothing seemed as dark as it had been that week.

That was, before someone uttered the phrase that had his entire happy countenance crash until it was a mutilated, ugly pulp.

"After all, that's why I arranged for someone to try and attack Levi. Meeting Armin just gave me the idea to use Eren. It was obvious Eren couldn't succeed, but wouldn't such a thing be a hilarious joke to do to a friend? To actually go along with his drunk bet? I thought it was a great idea."

He understood it now. It was so simple. 

Fuck. him.

Fuck everyone and their lies.


	4. Things Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren learns some things that are of reasonable importance, mostly of the "I've so fucked this done," sort of fashion.

Eren wasn't sure whether he wanted to bash Erwin's head into the wall, Levi's, or his own. He had never been so angry since the time his mother died. Far more than just simple rage, he felt tendrils of embarrassment choking his thoughts, which only managed to enrage him farther.

"Who," he managed to choke out, "the fuck do you think you are," everyone looked at him, all surprised-like, and his anger only flamed. Mikasa was the only one spared from his current mood, considering she looked like she would be happy in assisting him in lynching Levi and Erwin both.

Erwin, impeccable, didn't look like he had a hair out of place and Eren felt what only could be called pure disgust boil in belly as he watched Armin's worried expression dart between the two of them. But the brunt of his anger wasn't directed at Erwin, oh no, it was directed at the short little man standing a few feet from him and Eren had never wanted to kill anyone more because he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. Still was, he guessed. That Levi had wanted to give a second chance, he'd really believed that shit, trusted him as far as their relationship could go, talked with him, fell asleep in his room, managed a sort-of friendship, or at least bonding, their situation seemed not to allow. Of course he didn't want to give a chance to someone like him, it was all for a bet, every fucking thing, every slight amused look Eren took to be a smile, every training lesson, every talk they ever had about meaningless things that two people just kind of drifted into. That was nothing to him, nothing at all. Just trying to see how long he'd last. It was nothing but a set-up, and Eren had been right in the beginning about it being a trap, except he didn't lose his life, he lost his dignity and a friendship he never really had.

 

"What do you mean, Eren?" he really couldn't take Erwin's pseudo soothing voice right now.

"Shut the fuck up! Shut up, shut up! Don't say anything!" He was hysterical.

"Eren, you're hysterical," Armin's voice, chiming after Erwin's so closely, made Eren feel an urge to do something a better person would flinch at feeling. He was, however low Smith's and Levi's opinions of his skill, an assassin, still, and he could still kill people, and hell did he want to, if only to rid himself from that bottling feeling of betrayal he should've never kindled in the first place. Murder always gave him a sense of anesthetic, and he could really go for a full out homicide at the current time.

"I'm not hysterical," his voice rose. "Armin," perhaps the greatest feeling of betrayal came from Armin, although he didn't even know what he did yet. Just that he trusted him and instead he gave information to Erwin, information that stabbed Eren in the back.

"Armin, why?" his voice cracked, and just like that, his anger was tucked away, for more than anything, Armin was his best friend, and he was more melancholy than angry at the look in his eyes, still holding them steady, bravely, for although Armin liked to say he was weak and cowardly, he was the bravest person Eren knew. Armin would stand his ground, and he would tell the truth now it had come out, he was sure. His anger would rear back at Erwin and Levi when they dared say something, but for now he was content in letting the closest friend he ever had speak. It was times like these he wished he could've done more, not let things get this bad, making his only two friends become murderers with him, and that they wouldn't have ended up here, only seeing each other with betrayal written in each other's faces and eyes.

"I got a letter one day, asking to assassinate Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps," Armin started, taking a deep breath, not even bothering to protest. He knew Eren, he knew his stubborn ways. He would be unable to swayed, and it was better for him to say it than Erwin, who would only further spur Eren's anger at the moment.

"Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed that," he was letting off steam, just a little because he needed it to keep from flying into rage.

Armin only made a look to stop him from interrupting before continuing calmly, "I didn't want to burden you or Mikasa," he nodded, a mere tilt of acknowledgement, "so I decided not to tell you guys."

"Armin, I'm going to stop you there, just for a second, so I can clarify something," he paused for effect, "this is no little rat from Trost, no embezzler of the weak like all the other fucktards. This is fucking Erwin fucking Smith, the Commander of the fucking Survey Corps. You can't fucking get higher than that. What, if you got a letter to assassinate the king, would you tell us then?" blood boiling, he had to stop his own twitching fist through an intense amount of willpower, more than he thought he had. Not at Armin, which he probably wouldn't hurt no matter what he had done, but at an innocent piece of furniture that, indeed, were all too few to begin with.

"Eren," he even looked a little nervous, and Erwin, unhelpfully, decided to step in. Being the commander of the Survey Corps, one would think he would have better planning and direction skills and would obviously see Eren would not do well with being spoken to by him at the current time and circumstance, but Erwin was a creature of court, having been there so many times for various reasons representing the Corps, and he felt quite used to both breaking up arguments, leading, and being the center of attention. So he felt few qualms about stepping in between the two of them, only to find Eren's fist flying towards his face at an alarming velocity. 

Eren didn't even realize he was swinging his fist at the man until halfway through; it was his instinct. He made no effort to stop it, however, seeing as the man was a complete and utter manipulating bastard who did hell knows what to his best friend, and although he'd know if he sat through the entire story he wasn't such a good listener, and the man had indeed caused him to form a sort of faux friendship with someone he wished he'd never seen some good in, for it would've been much better off for both of them had they in fact never met.

So Eren had no qualms about any sort of injury the bastard would sustain from his punch and was more likely to take pride in a more serious one than anything else. What he didn't reckon with, although perhaps since he was Levi's friend he should've compensated more for him, was Erwin being good at fighting. To be fair, however, Eren only saw him dodge his punch from a short range, nothing special. 

The man quickly wheeled, dipping underneath Eren's outstretched arm, a remarkable feat for someone as largely built as Erwin was, and gracefully rotating as he ducked under, taking Eren's arm once he was behind him, a feat that took a light five seconds at most. Eren was beginning to wonder whether all Survey Corps members could fight so easily, and made a note to see whether Petra and company knew any sick moves. He would include Hanji also, except he wouldn't because Hanji was absolutely deranged to say the least and Eren didn't want her anywhere close to his body while showing him the move- he bitterly remembered the worm incident.

All this ran through his brain at a rather rampant pace and he wondered whether he was still hysterical, his mind was compensating with utterly worthless thoughts for the fact Erwin Smith could easily break his arm, and it felt as though he was doing so at that very moment, in two seconds flat.

"Eren, calm down," such a phrase would do nothing to ease his nerves from anyone at any situation possible, but coming from Erwin Smith behind him with his large hands around his forearm, it was doing even less for him than usual. The man's conniving nature and that the fact he did something to Armin and that he was touching his fucking arm in his fucking house and telling him to calm the fuck down was again lighting the anger soothed by Armin. In more than full force it seemed.

"Don't fucking touch me," his voice was surprisingly measured, low, and he thought he was absolutely deadly. Erwin seemed less than impressed, but he did release his grip on his arm. Immediately, Eren moved to turn and strike at Erwin's hopefully vulnerable head, only to find the man had, of course, thought his actions and already had an open palm to receive the blow near the base of his shoulder.

Facing towards him, he felt bubbles of resentment boil and pop as his expression remained cordial, as it always seemed to be wrapped in, a kindly sheath to a deadly knife.

He couldn't see behind him, but he heard Mikasa begin to move at this point, realizing she could now help Eren without Erwin immediately breaking his arm. She was stopped by someone, presumably Levi as he heard some murderous-sounding whispered words, too soft for intelligibility, which surely wouldn't have been exchanged by her and Armin. 

"You're causing quite the stir," I don't fucking care Erwin. He was already preparing his comeback.

"Can you just get back to the story? Please?" Eren felt a little bad because it was Armin asking. He didn't mean to sabotage the story Armin was telling by starting something, but he still insisted, in his mind, for saying it out loud would be counterintuitive to stopping the fight, that it was Erwin's fault for stepping in between them in the first place, who probably should've known better considering he was the top general of the Corps. But since he planned this meeting out, he didn't seem to be a very good planner after all, considering he seemed to think this situation shouldn't have degraded so quickly. Goddesses, the 'Eren, calm down,' like what the hell did he think I was going to do? Be calm? Did he not know his violent tendencies? Well, I guess not, since he had a real conversation with me a good two times in the past week before this meeting. But one would think, as a commander, he would want more information before he enacted this situation. And not just this talk either. He sent an assassin after Levi because of a drunken fucking deal.

Though Eren knew firsthand you had to be prepared to take risks, he didn't usually want to use such large stakes that he would lose anything important to him, like his friends and little else. Erwin didn't seem to have that problem. After some random fucking deal that Eren still didn't know the deals of, he found and sent an assassin, a trained assassin, who didn't know the mission was fake, to try and kill his friend. An assassin, who perhaps could've killed Levi if things had got differently that night if he'd had a lucky strike. And Eren would've never known it was him being played the fool, not the supposed victim. And Erwin would've had a dead friend. Would he even have mourned; Eren couldn't see him doing so. Goddamn, sending an assassin after your friend.

But Eren didn't care. Why would he care about Levi, who betrayed him as surely as Erwin by telling him no part of any of this scheme. Not a word, not a, "the reason I'm trying to seem like you're not actually just trash to me and that I would take you in and give you a chance for a better life is because my friend told me to," or, "I'm a lying bastard." He had said nothing. And Eren had believed in his nothing words, believed the few and in between, "I'm like you," or, "you have a chance," that Levi somehow managed to get in between their insults. That had made him feel wanted, like he'd have a chance to climb out of the shithole most everyone he knew was in, that he could in fact be a hero like so many people seemed to consider Levi to be. Eren saw the admiration in his squad's eyes, the strange pride in Erwin's, and had heard rumors from even the smallest vagabond about Humanity's Strongest's new conquest over the evil titans. Levi, a man so strange Eren could never begin to fathom a clearly drawn line between what emotion he felt for him. Was it hate for his captivator, or admiration at his skill? Jealousy or humbleness? Even now his emotions were surprisingly turbulent when it seemed like it should've been so clear-cut.

And one emotion was; betrayal. There was no doubt he felt an abundance of the tar-like emotion. The second was anger. He was really fucking angry. After that, it became murky. But it wasn't like it was important anyways. Just the mixture of those two emotions, no matter what else came into the mix, made Eren never want to see Levi again. It also made him want to punch him into a bloody pulp, but he had a feeling that day would have to wait until he at least heard the entire story.

And now, having gotten so off-topic, he realized he probably should've answered Armin quite a while ago, that Erwin was still holding him, probably thinking Eren was quiet for so long because he was calming down or some shit like that, and he wasn't sure whether there had been an awkward pause in between Armin's question and his answer. There probably had been, so Eren cleared his throat and pushed himself away from Erwin, who surprisingly let him go without a fight. He walked towards Armin, "Please explain," he was earnest, and he could tell Armin saw it.

"Eren, there are going to be things that will anger you, for sure. But, please, don't put a voice to it before I finish or I'll never get done."

He nodded. He did want to hear the end of the story, and it was actually very important to the current matter at hand, so he decided he should be good for the duration of Armin's speech. If Erwin's good, a snide undertone to his thoughts making him feel superior.

"Alright." Everyone was quiet, waiting for Armin to begin. Erwin had somehow shifted up to Eren's right, watching Armin, and Mikasa, on the far right, formed the rest of the loose semi-circle with Levi, also on the right. It seemed Mikasa was spending this time valuably trying to intimidate Levi with murderous stares, and he was simply ignoring them.

Eren wasn't sure whether he should've been amused. Mikasa could be terrifying when she wanted to but Levi deserved it for what he did. He deserved more, actually, but Eren wasn't into specifics. He could be weighted and dropped into a river, gradually lose blood from a gut wound, or get eaten by a titan. He really wasn't picky about the exact time, place, and method.

So he was angry. So what? He was allowed to be angry, even if he planned to wait for the bloody-pulp beating until after the story ended. If he could, he allowed the thought to float before crushing it. Even if he couldn’t, he still would. It would take a lot more than a difference in skill to stop Eren from destroying anyone he wanted. He refused to think of the other reasons behind the thought. He wasn’t some weakling who’d hesitate at taking someone out. If he got the chance, he would kill Levi. He would have to because he knew if he could feel something for any would be victim of his, he’d feel the same way looking down at any person, even the rats he despised. No, he couldn’t possibly see any sort of humanity, anything worth saving in anyone but the people he loved, or else, he couldn’t help but think, he’d be some mushy sop thinking any single person he managed to meet didn’t deserve to die. With that train of thought, he’d be out of a living, and he and the people he loved would starve to death. But perhaps, with the way his heart was in turmoil just thinking of Levi’s death, one side wanting it so badly and the other crying out against it, it was already too late for him.

Armin cleared his throat with a soft huff, fitting his image quite well, and he eyed his small gathering nervously, a look akin to one a schoolteacher wore when meeting a class full of young children for the first time. It was a look that he seemed to completely understand as he watched the trouble brewing between the two pairs. It was almost as if he was thinking, I hope Eren doesn't start a fight again, Eren couldn't help but think. He didn't wish to be reduced to a snot-nosed brat -although he did get that from that person a lot- but seeing the look made him instead want to be contrary and start a fight again.

But he wasn't going to. At least, he didn't plan to. He planned to sit still and listen like a good little boy. When Armin began talking, he was ready to pay attention. "I tried to sneak in, not draw attention, and get the hell out of there when I was done. This plan, incidentally, went better in my head rather than acted out. I looked around, spoke with a few contacts, and figured out Erwin liked to habituate a bar downtown when he went out with colleagues. Erwin figured out immediately I was up to no good, although it seems unlikely he thought I was an assassin, considering my build and other," a slight cough, "attributes. All things said, I certainly didn't look like one, and I thought it was the perfect disguise in order to infiltrate the scene. No one should have suspected me, the skinny, short blonde boy sitting near the corner. I watched him for a while, Erwin, I mean. He was out with some Military Police higher-ups, I think," at Erwin's nod he continued, having looked for his approval, "and none of them seemed very aware of their senses. If I would have to dedicate it to something, I would say they had been drinking too much for far too long. It was good for me because no one would notice Erwin missing. But Erwin," for a second, Armin's eyes darkened, inscrutable, "Erwin was dead sober. He seemed to see right through me. It was, and still is, one of the most unnerving things I've ever lived through." He, unsurprisingly, didn't maintain eye contact with Erwin, dropping his gaze to some particularly interesting floorboards.

Eren, on the other hand, felt a need for the opposite effect, watching Erwin with narrowed eyes. This was Armin, after all, whose bravery and intelligence he thought unmeasurable, who seemed to have the capacity to think of any working plan and direct it to its finish. That he had failed was unnerving, that he was unnerved by Erwin even more so. Though he lavished his worries about Armin, he really did think Armin could do pretty much anything that he or Mikasa could do. Okay, maybe just him; as thoroughly expressed before, Mikasa was super human. Armin's brain power was far greater than the two of them combined, however, and if a situation arose, unless it was purely physical, Eren truly believed Armin could think his way out of it. But this wasn't physical, or at least it hadn't seemed to come to physical blows at the point of the story he was at, and yet Armin seemed to believe Erwin had the brainpower to thwart him in terms of the mind. Maybe he was reading too much into things. Even if Armin was saying Erwin easily recognized he was likely a criminal, although he looked nothing like one, and that likely he realized he was an assassin after his own life, which seemed so unlikely Eren felt a need to discard the thought immediately. No one would be so paranoid to think the first stranger in a dirty cloak, young and innocent-faced, would be an assassin after your life.

In that frameset, Eren began to feel the first stirrings of worry. He had been so worried about Mikasa and Armin and what Erwin had done to them he had missed a crucial point after realizing they were safe. Of course, there was Erwin's big reveal, something Eren couldn't help but wonder if calculated to distract him. What was Erwin's plan, really? Was it really a slip-up on his part, not realizing he would get so blindly angry? He was the commander general of an organization whose members died like mayflies before he was promoted. Without the rose of his childhood, he understood just how many members died outside the walls, and he almost understood his mother's point that day, although he never did tell her she might've been right. But Erwin cut those numbers by more than half; he wasn't stupid, not by a long shot, and he certainly wasn't naive. He understood human nature probably more than anyone, meeting all different peoples from all walks of life from the high class elite of Sina to the now extinct peasantry class of outer Shingashina, and it was ridiculous to think he wouldn't know what Eren would do.

Eren took a breath. He knew anger could be a tool, but too much and it blinds the wielder. He could save it for a better time, and he would. Now, he would fake it, have to act like the man expected him to. He needed Erwin to underestimate him, for an underestimated enemy is so much more dangerous than one dissected. He would act the fool to gain the hand now.

Armin, after a short pause, probably just collecting his thoughts, continued, "Anyways," he swallowed around the word like an inept player of cards, visibly nervous about any exploding reactions, likely from Eren. Eren nearly grinned. He really could play right into to this. Besides, a large part of him knew he would react the same way even if he wasn't trying to fool Erwin for hell knows what reason. He had already given up on trying to think on his plans long ago. He sure as hell wasn't Armin, and his jumpstart plans worked better for him than when he thought long as hell about them.

He had to wait for a good moment. He tried not to tense, fearing it would give him away.

“Erwin excused himself, murmuring some excuse to his colleagues, and headed towards the front of the bar, cutting straight past where I was sitting. A quick gesture confirmed my fears; he jerked his head to me, obviously asking me to come with him. He was already on to me. I thought there was no choice in the matter, thinking he’d reveal me to the entire congregation if I didn’t comply. I quietly slipped out past him, heading into the narrow alley that prevailed the bar.

Before I knew it, he had me rammed against the wall, gasping for breath. He asked me who I was working for, and I choked out a quick, “I don’t know,” nothing but the truth for there was no doubt he would easily be able to discern whether I was lying.

He seemed vaguely discontented but had seemed to already to accept the fact, seeming to suspect it from the moment I’d stepped in. He pulled out a knife. Surprised, I froze, knowing it was against military law to carry weapons. He seemed to take my lack of struggle as bravo, instead of the incapacitating terror it really was.”

Erwin bit in at this point, “I remember thinking, ‘is this kid stupid?’. It was just a feeling, but I knew someone was following me and that anyone planning to attack me wanted someone easy to sneak away from the crime. He was awkward in the bar, and I knew the owner and knew he’d let anyone in, even if they were underage, for a pretty penny. He looked twelve, and too uncomfortable in his surroundings to be used to coming to bars. Youths of some caliber do visit that bar, but they are of a different sort than he was. He had to be there for some other motive, and I’d heard from my sources someone wanted me dead in the police, angered by some policies I wanted to implement. They were sneaky though; no one knew who it was, pointing fingers to an array of my admittedly large amounts of enemies. I had my doubts the rumors were true, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.”

“If the boy was planning to kill me, then I had to act quickly. I explained myself to my colleagues as needing to go back to the Corps because of some reasonably important paperwork I needed by tomorrow. A lie, of course, for I had no intention of lending the boy right back to the Corps building and giving him the advantage of both surprise, for I wouldn’t know when he’d strike, and his abilities were as yet uncertain.Obviously I wouldn’t give an enemy a chance if I could solve the problem a different way.”

At this point he was interrupted by Eren, “And so it’s fine then, to give me a chance to kill Levi in his room but not the oh-so-great you in yours. Or was my ability considered so low by you, who had never met me, that it was fine to send me, an assassin, after one of your only friends?” A Wedge, wedge, come’on, give me something to latch to, give me some proper anger, was his refrain as he watched Erwin’s face carefully for any change. Of course it didn’t because he was Erwin Smith and unable to have a proper human reaction. 

“I never considered you to be a threat to him,” was his cool, easy answer. 

“How could that be!” he didn’t even need to pretend to act for that one.

“Maybe, if you listened, you would know why, but since you seem to be inclined to interrupt at any given time, it’s likely we'll never finish the story and then there’s no point to this conversation!” he took an obvious breath to steady his temper. He continued more calmly, “Please, Eren, listen to me and your friend. I can almost guarantee together, we’ll answer any questions you have.”

It was perfect. “Together?” his eyes, he felt, glinted with malice and he got a grim satisfaction from feeling so powerful as he watched Erwin grimace slightly, seeming to realise the storm his words would release as he said them. “Together? What, are you fucking him like some sort of dog? Or are you, like a bitch, taking it in the ass? Wouldn’t that be a shock, the powerful Commander Smith begging for some tiny rat’s cock. That’s really disgusting, don’t you think?” he had never been one to think before he talked, that was true, but as he watched hurt and anger, in varying degrees, spark in not only Erwin’s and Armin’s eyes, but also Levi’s and even Mikasa’s, he felt to some amount apologetic.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it Eren,” Erwin’s voice, although still cool, had gained some tightness that Eren knew was stemming from anger. Armin’s was much more obvious, “How could you say something like that,” semi-hysteric and near tears, his trembling lower lip and watery eyes seemed daggers of accusal that screamed betrayal.

Although he should’ve had a response, should’ve concentrated on his hurt friend or even the commander, he found his eyes drawn to Levi, who looked angrier than he had ever seen him. The problem was, Eren didn’t even know why, and it wasn’t like he could just ask. It didn’t seem like he would enlighten him by talking either. But far more elusive for ability to discern what it meant or why was the fleeting image of hurt that crossed his features.

Of course Eren understood why Erwin was angry. He had insulted him deeply, trying to hurt him as much as possible. Mikasa was probably angry because he had called Armin a rat, for good reason. Armin, well, it was pretty obvious. But Eren was also angry at himself, but he knew he didn’t mean Armin when he had said it, just trying to get under Erwin’s skin and not thinking about what he was saying. He also knew that although he may be angry at Armin and Armin was certainly angry at him now, their friendship would be fine. He’d understand why he said it once he explained in private. He didn’t even need to think about his relationship with Mikasa. Of course they’d be fine. They’d been through everything together, and she’d understand too.

But for Levi and Erwin, they didn’t even know him. There was almost no chance Erwin would forgive him, and he didn’t want him to. But Levi; although he was angry, really angry, he felt kind of sad to have hurt him. It was ridiculous of course; he was Levi’s supposed assassin, why would he feel like had done something wrong by saying something like that. It wasn’t like he was even saying something about Levi either. Maybe he was angry about Erwin. He knew they were friends, sure, but it didn’t seem like a friendship in which Ledvi would get insulted about shit against Erwin.

Before his mind was able to stop him, he blurted out the unforgivable thought that crossed his mind, “Maybe I wrong. Maybe it’s not Armin’s not the one taking it, seeing how angry Levi has gotten.”

What did I just say. I am so screwed. I’m really fucking screwed. He tried to not let his horror show, knowing it would only make it worse. Showing weakness and hesitation would just give them, Levi and Erwin, something to latch on to. His glance drifted between them, passing Mikasa’s horrified face. It was easy to read her thoughts; she plainly thought he was an idiot. Privately, he agreed.

He didn’t even want to look at Armin. He could easily guess what expression he was making. Armin was the type of person that would get angry for other’s sake and remain calm about shit aimed at himself. He was angry at him because he had insulted Erwin, not because he said something like that to him. After all, he was pretty used to it, and he realized that showing anger would only cause people to respond worse. He was disappointed in Eren, but wasn’t going to burst into furious flames over it, as Eren would have done because it would have served no purpose but make Eren angrier. He knew from experience; he could only keep such calm because of the bullies that had plagued him in Shingashina. Of course, Eren could only assume that Armin wasn’t indeed angry at him for saying such horrible things about him, but he had known him for a long time and assumed he would realize he was saying it because he wanted to hurt Erwin and not him. 

He really hoped Armin would forgive him. If he didn’t, it would only be on his head. But Levi, Levi would never forgive him. He didn’t even know him that well to begin with. Whatever relationship they had was finished, even as strange as it was, flecked with their fights and Eren’s attempts to escape. Perhaps Levi was a warden, but he was also someone that Eren didn’t want seriously angry at him. It was likely he could pretty easily kill him, however little Eren wanted to admit it. While he had trouble admitting to himself he had qualms about killing Levi, he wasn’t sure whether Levi had the same qualms about killing him. It sounded like the bet was to keep him living, and certainly if he became a problem it would be easy to bump him off.

For what Eren had heard, the bet was to not be killed by an assassin but not kill the assassin either. Otherwise, he thought, he’d surely be dead by now, troublesome as he was. Originally he thought Levi had refrained from killing him because he wanted to give him a second chance to become someone, and although Eren had had no intentions of doing so because not only would he fail to find his revenge, he would likely fail at even becoming someone vaguely normal in society, even by Survey Corps standards. He had never been someone gifted with social interaction, and his time as an assassin had twisted him. He knew he could never go back to being a normal person again.

But even so, when he believed Levi was trying to change him for the better, he had thought it was a noble endeavor even if it was useless. But now everything had changed. Levi had been doing it for a drunken bet. He didn’t care about Eren at all. And the bet was surely off. Of course, he didn’t know the exact rules, but it seemed to him if Levi had kept quiet about it the entire time one of the main points of the bet would be fooling him. Well, he wasn’t fooled now, and since the bet was off Levi could now kill him. And Eren couldn’t beat him, not in a clean fight. He’d need the element of surprise and a boatload of more talent.

And he still had handcuffs on. He was doomed. After the Erwin induced fight, he had learned Levi had been going easy on him. Eren had been going full out. He was going to get pummeled. And it was his own goddamn fault. But there was no taking back his words. He had said it after all. The damage had been done.

Surprisingly, there was no retaliation to interrupt him from his melodramatic thoughts, ones he was sure would be his last. He had expected to cut off long ago. He dared another glance up, his gaze shying towards Levi. Their eyes met, and a twinge of shock twirled down his belly. There was nothing in them. It was an expression he had never seen before, not even when he had been fighting him all those times, acting so ferociously towards one another. No, this could be one thing, and Eren had never been so scared for his life before. It was the expression of an executioner, a butcher, the look he must wear killing all those titans, and it was directed right at Eren.

If Eren had thought he was screwed before, he had underestimated. He was dead.

For a brief second, he entertained the idea he would just apologize and everything would be solved. But he knew it wouldn't solve anything. It would only raise the question of why he had said the insufferable phrase in the first place, and since he didn't have a reasonable excuse without giving away the plan, he would accept his fate, whatever it would be.

He wished he had such a calm opinion, and to an extent a small part of him did, but the majority was crying, "Fucking abandon the plan, you idiot." True, the plan wasn't worth dying over, since it required him being alive for Erwin to think he was an idiot, which, he must admit, indeed wasn't so far of the mark. He couldn't believe what he'd done. But as he realized that his mind was made up to neither apologize nor to run away and hope he wouldn't get killed in the aftermath,  
but rather to just stick with it. If he died, at least he would die with some sort of honor, however worsley won. He could believe that by refusing to own up, he could fulfill some sort of righteous path requirement, even if it was the path of douchebaggery. Honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad, as long as it was quick. Otherwise, he did not wish to think of it for he could all too clearly see the horror the power Levi contained inside him would wreck on his body.

He wished he could say it was because of his morals, that he wouldn’t give up, that it was part of his personality to not give up and just admit to the group he was wrong and being stupid, but it would be at half a lie. The truth was, he was afraid it would only serve to make them angrier. No, that wasn’t right either. He was only afraid about angering Levi, and Levi alone, and it wasn’t even the anger he was worried about. It was the disappointment, the look that he had failed so absolutely, that he was a horrible, sickening person. He knew he was, it was completely true; after all, he was an assassin. But he didn’t want to see that. That sadness that would cause his heart to feel so heavy.  
So it was better, for them to believe he was a horrible person because of something that wasn’t true, rather than something that was far closer to his real self. But he knew that could probably see through it anyway, see that he was a small, pathetic person, but at least he’d be a small pathetic person that retained his shred of dignity until the very end.

It was with this mindset he approached the brewing silence in the room, the one that spoke of danger and hurt and death. He briefly wondered what Levi would say, if he would say anything at all, but then realized that it wouldn’t really matter. It would hurt the same no matter what.

Levi watched with his hooded eyes, unmoving, an unknowable presence that everyone watched with their breath tensed. Erwin too was quiet, but everyone knew it would be Levi who would make the move. Mikasa looked ready as well, and Eren only hoped that his idiocy wouldn’t hurt her as well.

But he did something no one expected; in silence, the only noise his boots clicking, he calmly walked out of the hut. He didn’t spare a glance to Eren, nor to anyone. It was a turn, a march, and so unexpected no one almost registered until he was out the door, barely moving the mechanism, seeming almost like the air standing stagnant in the air with his grace and mobility. It was a moment of sheer epiphany; when it had counted, Levi had easily proved he was the better man. Eren realised, like he hadn’t before, that Levi and him were too different; perhaps they fought, they beat each other up like schoolboys, but it was an act for Levi, as easy as shedding a coat. Now that the lie was over, that he didn’t have to entertain Eren’s childish belief he was an assassin, he didn’t have to fight. He didn’t have to do anything with him; he could leave, he could act like Eren had never existed.

Eren never knew it could hurt so much. He didn’t know that not having words, not having a fight, nothing, could hurt more than any mental or physical wound. It was a hole, a vacuum, ripped where there should have been emotion. It felt like Eren’s feelings, his thoughts, even the words he thought he could harm with, were pushed inside like they were nothing. He felt so small and sad and pathetic. It hurt more than any look on Levi’s face, even disappointment, for this was the greatest show of disappointment of all; the fact he was too pitiful and stupid to even bother with.

Several stares, some worried, some neutral, were being directed his way, but for a few seconds he didn’t even move, just stared at the doorway. Then, slowly, he drew his gaze away and met Mikasa’s, who was watching him carefully. If he didn’t know her well, he wouldn’t have known she was worried, but since he did, he could tell she was distraught, both over the way he was acting and the way Levi acted around him. He knew she thought she didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make him angry and likely she was right. But he recognized her look; she would try anyways.

“Eren…” she trailed off, causing both Armin and Erwin to look awkwardly off in the distance. Good, they were likely thinking, make it a family thing so I don’t have to deal with it. “Are you okay?”

Surprisingly, this was what triggered his anger, and he burst, “No, Mikasa, I’m not okay. I wonder why; could it be that the person I just fucking insulted deeply regarded it as nothing but childish nonsense. Wow, I wonder why I’m angry. It couldn’t be that I was obviously trying to act like an idiot and you guys saw through it and now I have to own up because my bullshit just caused someone to walk out on me like I was nothing,” he quieted. “Was it that obvious? I mean, I know it was obvious, but was it that obvious?”

Armin and Mikasa exchanged glances, and Erwin remained attached by his eyes to the wall. Armin, taking the plunge this time, decided to speak, “Eren, I know you didn’t mean what you said, and it may have been pretty obvious to us, even,” he winced, “if I would appreciate you wouldn’t say such things about my body and Erwin’s,” an awkward bubble descended. He cleared his throat, and said in his most Arminian manner, “It may have been obvious to us, Eren, but it may have not been noticeable to Levi.”

Eren took this chance to look confused, not because he was acting, but rather because he was actually fucking confused. “Armin, I love you and stuff,” Erwin startled, breaking his date with the wall, and began scanning the air between the two. Eren ignored him, “but what the fuck are you talking about?”

Armin and Mikasa exchanged another glance. “I don’t want to be the one who breaks this to you, but I don’t think Levi was just continuing the bet because of Erwin. I mean, you didn’t listen until the end, but if you had, you would have learned that Levi gained nothing from the bet; it was only a prank, if you will. And no, don’t interrupt this time,” he spared a stern glance at Eren, “because its important. The bet Erwin set was for Levi to stop the assassin, but to send him back after a day or less because the assassin would be dangerous to keep around. It was Levi who suggested that if the assassin was dedicated enough he could join the Corps, like Levi himself had done when he had left the streets due to Erwin.”

At this point, he had to interrupt Armin; it was of dire importance. “What did you just say? You’re joking right?”

Armin looked confused. “What, about Levi being part of the streets? He didn’t tell you?”

“What the fuck did I just do,” Eren said in horror, “or, as a matter of fact, what the fuck have I been doing? No I fucking didn’t know; he didn’t tell me. What have I done? I’ve said… the most horrible things to him,” an air of desperation encircled him, and Armin shifted uncomfortably, “tell me more. Please, Armin.”

“Alright,” he stared another glance with Mikasa, but Eren was too worried to care, “I mean, obviously I don’t know anything about it, but apparently Erwin set some rules about the assassin and how to handle him. Levi didn’t free rein; after all, Erwin was his higher up.”

Something began clicking in place for Eren, and he sweared as he realized something. “It was you,” he turned his increasingly intense gaze towards Erwin, “that made him fight me that day. Did you make him?”

“I had to prove that you were safe and dedicated enough for the Corps in some way.”

Bite surrounded his words, “that’s a hell of a way to do it. Would you have let me join, really? Even if it was because of drunken bet, even if I was an assassin.”

Erwin appeared to mull over his words, saying very carefully, weighing the words in mouth, “I think that if Levi had deemed you worthy enough, then who would I be to say you couldn’t.”

“This is too much for one day,” Eren couldn’t help but state as his mind reeled, “Are you fucking kidding me, this is ridiculous! I don’t even know what I should be feeling anymore! What I should do, what actions I should take? You know, life was so much simpler, when I was just an assassin.”

For the first time since he had seen him again, Armin smiled, “but Eren, if you had stayed a simple assassin, you would have never met Levi.”

What’s so great about him, was the first thing that came to mind, but the next was of Levi in the infirmary, his face while bickering, and most importantly, his voice as he talked of the Corps. Of the chance Eren could have. Somehow, although he had fucked things up, it hadn’t been that bad, in retrospect.

But man, did he ever fuck things up.

Levi would never forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this might turn gay... next chapter. Also, so much cursing though. Eren is an angry teenage boy, and it is very clear.

**Author's Note:**

> If there's any mistakes, please tell me. I'll fix them. Eren is kind of more violent than most portray him, so I was wondering whether it was okay, but he also killed three people so there's that. He also doesn't really have that hero worship anymore, just kind of a fear of Levi's strength, so it's why he's more disrespectful. I can't wait until I get to post everyone's reaction to Eren, especially Hanji who's hilarious.
> 
> Edit--- So many mistakes *endless crying*. Okay, looking down and typing isn't easy in my defense.


End file.
